Posted in: Comics | Tagged: Comics, dc, manolis v, marvel

Last Week's Comics In Twenty-Nine Panels

Dr Manolis V writes for Bleeding Cool…

The internet's most opinionated (and Greek) comics column returns with more UNCANNY AVENGERS hating than you will find anywhere else!

Religious hate propaganda, Drag Queen culture, menstrual super powers, Pink Pearl, vandalous Ant-Man, Zombie Squirrel Girl, naked Hawkeye, the Spot's revenge and way too many inappropriate pussycat jokes.
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Yeah, I'm back.

Thank you guys for the kind words of support in that other thread. I won't go into any details here, I'll do what I do best and let my panels speak for me.

So, the past few weeks here in Greece have been a bit of:

(from PUNK ROCK JESUS #4 which came out with chilling timing that same week) and a whole lot of this:

Nice bit of subtlety there, Jason Aaron, although the ending of WOLVERINE AND THE X-MEN #18 was quite a big bit of emotional Kirkmanship (you know, the type of brilliant gut-wrenching character exploitation I speak of).

On to business as usual as I try to cover two weeks worth of books in one go!

YOUR WEEKLY EFFED-UP BAT-TIMELINE REPORT

[GEEK-RANT] I HAVE to do this. All of Bat-history may have been compressed into five years, but an entire year has passed between Batman #1 and #13? Pointless.[/GEEK-RANT]

BATMAN #13 is the kick-off of DEATH OF THE FAMILY and it is indeed a VERY effect reintroduction of the cruel and truly menacing Joker, through the intense cat-and-mouse chase through GCPD HQ – and yet… the final page reveal of his new strap-on face is really, well, not as effective or striking or whatever Greg Capullo had propped it up as in his summertime rant. I'm not feeling the terror, Greg. It's actually quite goofy and cartoony. (Jock's backup story on the other hand? Brrrr)

X-MEN SCHISM

Now, THIS is how you drive a wedge between two characters who have been teammates and best friends for a lifetime, THIS is a woman who has such conviction in what she's doing, what she's fighting for, but also no measure of who she becomes and how she uses people to get what she wants. THIS is how you build believable tension and escalate it to full-blown violence without betraying or cheapening the characters you are writing. This is how it is to be Brian Wood. Unfortunately, X-MEN #37 is his last story on the book,completing his arranged 8-issue run. Let's all hope Marvel sees what he's done here and offers him a Storm-centric (X-Force?) book soon.

EXCUSE ME WHILE I GEEK OUT

SECRET AVENGERS #32 remains pure impenetrable nerd-fodder, but, well I AM a nerd and it gives me a tingly feeling to see Flash Thompson in the Venom suit as an actual Avenger, fighting (in the span of the same scene) the U-Foes, the Wrecking Crew, the Brothers Grimm, Constrictor and Madcap, and then going home to have sex with an actual Norse goddess!

Never mind all that, though. PINK PEARL IS IN THIS BOOK! See, Pink Pearl is a John Byrne Alpha Flight "villain". She doesn't actually have any powers, she's just super-fat. She has been: a circus freak, a terrorist with a plan to assassinate the Canadian Prime Minister, a member of the Femizons and the proprietor of a male strip club. In that order. She also gave birth to Honey Boo Boo. Wiki her.

META-MAN

Mike Allred, Matt Fraction and Ant-Man. Why did noone think of this before? The metaness of it all! Ant-Man infiltrates Castle Doom for a good-natured revenge plot, mixing the recent graveness of events with Silver Age whimsy and Kid Loki goes on a Young Avengers recruitment drive in his usual mischievious style,making MARVEL NOW POINT ONE a much more fun and substantial read than last year's POINT ONE. The rest of the issue is a whole lot of half-starts and teasers of things that are probably only worth leafing through.

QUICK ROUND

The rest of the week in panels, rants and silliness:

IT'S JUST THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

Betty Ross gets her own monthly book with RED SHE-HULK #56. The intro is taken from X-51's personal files and actually reads (I quote): "[Red She-Hulk] doesn't have multiple personalities, but becomes more erratic and emotion-driven when red". Just what we needed, a super-heroine with literal menstrual cramps powers.

A GENDER-CONFUSED TRANSVESTITE IN HELL

All in all, not a very good week for subtlety in comics. And I'm not even touching Slave Girl Xanadu. It's frustrating how DEMON KNIGHTS #13 still fails to bring life to its secondary (or should I call them tertiary by now) team members. Why drag them around at all?

NATIONAL TALK LIKE A DRAG QUEEN DAY

Oh, Scott, you crazy bitch! RED HOOD AND THE OUTLAWS #13 concludes the adventure on Tamaran and Starfire's journey of vindication from unseemly online trolling after #1.

NO PUSSY CAT JOKES HERE

Read into that title as you please.

Poor Cheetah though, going from wearing a crotch stitched from your own skin to runningaround completely with (apparently) no visible genitalia… Wouldn't you be pissed? It's like a reverse Red She-Hulk! Also, Superman and Wonder Woman are totally LILing (Lesbians In Love).

CENSORSHIP ARROW

Aww, isn't "little Hawkeye" cute? HAWKEYE #3 is entirely dedicated to showcasing Hawkeye's insane trick arrow gallery amidst a volley of bullets, tracksuit jive-talking vampires and bad decisions. Hawkeye is Marvel's best book for the third month running. Whoduthunkit.

SMELLS LIKE TEEN DECAY

I couldn't ask for a more appropriate MARVEL ZOMBIES HALLOWEEN comic, an ideal balance of adorable, disgusting and nerdy than a little kid dressed in a Wolverine outfit out alone looking for his kitty in a post-Zombie apocalypse Marvel U while trying to escape the zombified remains of the greatest teen heroes of all time. The only thing coolest than Zombie Squirrel Girl is the nerdy "awww" reveal of the kid's parentage in the end.

EVERYTHING WRONG WITH DC RIGHT NOW IN A SINGLE PANEL

LEGION LOST #13, still being published. But why? Meanwhile in the other current Tom DeFalco monthly, SUPERBOY #13 there is a villain actually calling himself "Streak".

THAT'S JUST COLD, MAN

These whatever new whatsit lantern zomboids have looked plain silly in the Geoff Johns GL issues. It takes Peter J. Tomasi a single issue, GREEN LANTERN CORPS #13, and a throwaway character he fattened for the story sacrifice to instantly elevate them to the most chilling and inhumane monstrosity on the face of the DCU. Brrrr.

THE MORE THINGS CHANGE…

… the more Kyle Rayner's fridge remains fully stocked with character exploitation and misogyny. Of all the things to keep in the DCNu continuity, was Women in Refrigerators really at the top of the list? (from GREEN LANTERN NEW GUARDIANS #13)

I MISS DnA

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE #8 concludes Bendis' movie tie-in anti-climactic Thanos "epic". It's a great letdown as it's all based around a built-in cheat set to make fun of both poor Thanos (who lived on to true extremes of villainy and greatness during DNA's GOTG run) and the reader. Did I mention I'm dreading Bendis' take on the Guardians?

I MISS ALIAS

NEW AVENGERS #31 is a great nod back to that title and Jessica's friendship with Carol Danvers. The Michael Gaydos art sure helped. This relaunched title is Bendis' best Avengers effort, mainly because he gets to invest in the characters and their relationships instead of trying to write "big action".

STILL GOING ON ABOUT AARON KUDER

Damn, I can't help it. Dude makes everyone look so cool. Even Hypno-Hustler, the surprise villain behind the Spidey/Deadpool team-up in AVENGING SPIDER-MAN #13. Oh, he also draws a mean Deadpool-as-Frankenfurter. Seriously though, this two-parter has been simply insane off-the-walls self-referencing comicsy fun. We should see more of it.

RAFA REALIZED

Rafa Sandoval may had been heralded as a "Young Gun" at Marvel (boy, I'm glad that charade that named Billy Tan as a hopeful talent has perished), but it's in CATWOMAN #13, his first DC assignment, that he finally excels. It's crazy kinetic and over-the-top action and exaggerated stylish figure work that reminds me of the title's exiting artist, Guillem March.

KHOI REALIZED

It's a similar story for Khoi Pham (another "Young Gun" who never made it "big" at Marvel despite a significant push) and CYBERFORCE #1, the crowd-funded free new issue that takes the "Ultimate" relaunch approach to the original 90s Top Cow flagship and reintroduces Khoi Pham with a very early Silvestri crispness in his line and a new level of detail and clarity of style. This new book is a very well balanced approach to appeal to old and new fans alike and manages to extract the core concept of the book into a new spandex-less sci-fi setting. This is a CYBERFORCE book I could see myself getting into.

TOTALLY HAVING A WOLVERINE MOMENT

Jonathan Maberry really sells Hawkeye as a gritty last survivor I-am-Legend yippie-ki-yay muthahf*ker in MARVEL UNIVERSE VERSUS THE AVENGERS #1, just as he convincingly sets up a Marvel Earth completely overrun with the zombie virus. Unfortunately he continues drowning the debut issue in unnecessary exposition flashbacks waaaaay after he has already gotten his point across. Still, that opening Solo scene drove an arrow through my heart.

A NO-BRAINER

It's Tony Lee, master of self-promotion second only to the Millar God himself, co-writing a MCGYVER comic for Image with the character's creator. It sets up all kinds of expectations in terms of pure crazy inventitude – and I must admit the jelly bean bomb is a pretty solid pay-off for MACGYVER FUGITIVE GAUNTLET #1, even if the plot itself just kinda lost me from the onset. It's all about the 100+1 uses of a paper clip for me. I'm a McPurist.

VAMPIRES VERSUS ROBOTS

"In the future robots will run on human blood…" sets off IDW's TRANSFUSION #1, subtitled (indeed) "Vampires Versus Robots". Oh, and it's written by Steve Niles. It's effective world-building and horror with Niles' usual minimalistic approach, but it's the art that really makes this work. "Menton3" is a master of conceptual storytelling, playing with the abstract and painting a truly horrific and livid future.

MIND THE SPOILERS

DEAD, SHOT

Considering the quality of the SUICIDE SQUAD reboot, I consider this an editorial mercy killing. Maybe we can bring in Simone and Ostrander's Deadshot to replace this late bland pretty boy?

NOT COOL, GILLEN

I'm not sure what purpose the Sinister reveal in UNCANNY X-MEN #20, the final issue of the failed relaunch, intended to serve, other than an HA FOOLED YOU moment, both in the story and in a meta sense, and a thoughtless waste of a great human supporting x-character in Kate Kildare. I've followed the sassy super-PR Maven from the early issues of Fraction's THE ORDER (highly recommended btw), so this really touched a nerve.

THIS IS SO NOT GOING TO END WELL

We KNOW it's not. Madrox knows too, but he still pops the big question to Layla Miller (boy, does SHE know) in X-FACTOR #245. The rest of the issue is dedicated to a proper farewell to Havok as he departs for UNCANNY AVENGERS, giving him a real emotional push, other than "my brother is a jerk, ptooie". It was good reading Alex as a real character, even for a brief while.

A SPOT AT THE TOP

Mark Waid, I could kiss you. The Spot famously marked the start of Waid's now-revolutionary (and much-awarded) DD run, viewed in a spooky new light through the hero's radar sense. In DAREDEVIL #19 he stands revealed as the mastermind behind the past year's craziness in his new sinister guise of "Coyote". Now, see, this is NOT a Speedball/Penance kind of situation. The Spot was never a goofball, he was always a guy with formidable power who just never got taken seriously because, well, he had a dog's name and was covered in pokadots. MYSTICAL pokadots. He's always been a favourite of mine – and of a lot of Marvel writers (from Daniel Way and Van Lente to DeMatteis) – who now finally realizes his creepy potential. Well played.

Oh, and hey, I've saved the best rant for last:

DISGUSTING

Oh, you do NOT want me going off on a rant about UNCANNY AVENGERS #1. Despite the sheer gore porn of the thing, literally from start to finish, it treated its characters with uneasy disregard for not only continuity but their essential sense of self.

[SUPERIOR-GEEK-RANT] Cyclops is suddenly a crazed unrepenting asshole zealot? Havok (despite fighting at his side and serving on his side of the Schism for the past two years) basically throws him under the boss with idiotic impunity and runs off to be Cap's lapdog? Havok is considered the "cleanest" of Xavier's students, after being a public terrorist leader of the Brotherhood? Avalanche going from reformed villain and bar owner to public enemy number one and noone batting an eyelid?

Oh and hey, it's Professor X with his skull peeled open and someone pulling out his bleeding lifeless brain and holding it mockingly over his corpse. What a fitting analogy. [/SUPERIOR-GEEK-RANT]

P.S. the action scenes were indeed cool and the introduction of the new villains masterful. But it doesn't excuse this level of soddy character work on what's meant to be the flagship of "Marvel Now".

CYCLOPS WAS RIGHT

Finally, AVX CONSEQUENCES #2 is the complete flipside of this. A complete issue dedicated to Logan and Scott sitting inside his cell and talking about the events and aftermath of AVX. Gillen is my hero for this. Cyclops is a changed man from the charring events of the past year, but it's change that's organic to who the character was and what he has gone through.

COMICS BULLETIN

(didn't you use to love these in the early 90s?)

-The Micronauts return in SCARLET SPIDER #10 and VENOM #26, as MINIMUM CARNAGE continues.

-Brian Wood is doing away with spandex altogether and propping Kitty Pryde as the ultimate leader mutant nation in ULTIMATE X-MEN #18 (Plus: Ultimate Commcast!)

-WOLVERINE #314 guest-starring Elsa Bloodstone versus the Twelve Horrors, "disciples of Murderous Lion" – that's ninja zombie cthulu to you!

-Rulk versus Wonder Man in AVENGERS #31.

-Welcome aboard the lovely and talented Emma Rios as the new penciller of CAPTAIN MARVEL #5, the Girliest WWII Comic Ever!

-The one true Juggernaut returns in DARK AVENGERS #182, but why is he dressed like X-MEN THE LAST STAND?

-Loki saves the day in MIGHTY THOR #21 as Fraction channels his best Gillen trickery and Simonson epicness.

-Miles Morales proves himself to Cap and joins the Ultimates in the frantic action sequence that is ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN #16.

-Fairchild versus Superboy, fighting for no reason while having a completely boring conversation, in RAVAGERS #5

-Damian fights a giant mutant toad in the Gotham sewers and zombies in BATMAN AND ROBIN #13 but it's the magic father-and-son moment over the Earth's atmosphere during an Eclipse that really makes this issue special.

-Knightfall's origin revealed in BATGIRL #13 – and it's a truly gruesome shocker. Plus, Ed Benes is here to do justice to Babs' shiny DCNu costume.

-Welcome to Reachworld, BLUE BEETLE, yadda yadda yadda.

-Anyone else grossed out by Slade with someone who's the spitting image of his daughter in DEATHSTROKE #13? Oh, Zealot, Liefeld has been especially not kind to you.

-Meanwhile in GRIFTER #13, Cole versus the Midnighter and Apollo is just one of those situations where the writer is playing favourites for a severely mismatched battle's outcome (and if the writer is Liefeld, well…)

-Wonder Woman and Kate Kane venture into the "Arkham of the Amazons" and J H Williams III goes geek-crazy with labyrinthal page layouts in BATWOMAN #13.

-Raven makes her first (sigh) appearance in PHANTOM STRANGER #1. Don't ask.

-The Gods take a day off to relax in the lux new Olympus swimming pool (after Apollo's New York-tastic make/take-over) in WONDER WOMAN #13.

-Begrudged costume shop employee Eve discovers the "magic of halloween" (and looooove) when the devil brings the costumes in the store to life in Amy Reeder's HALLOWEEN EVE
(get it? oh never mind)

-Billy the Vampire Slayer takes over BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON 9 #14. I could see this spin-off working: The young gay boy Slayer, his hot Watcher boyfriend, the Zombie Vampires and the heavy-handed anti-bullying message.

-The food feds hunt down a beautician who can change people's appearances with her face mask compositions in the gourmet voodoo procedural craziness of CHEW #29. Plus, POYO (the Cyborg Chicken Luchador) in JAPAN!

-Negan's goons visit Rick's camp in THE WALKING DEAD #103, resulting in an extremely frustrating exercise in, well, swallowing it and tolerance to fascism. Sigh. Payback better be worth this nightmare you're putting us through, Kirkman.

-The "Others" go full-blown LOST island in MORNING GLORIES #22 as they enter the hidden invisible temple of Babel (cue X-Files music). Plus, that cold-hearted bitch Irina is the character find of 2012!

THE TALLY

Sigh, i'm too exhausted for more ranting this week. UNCANNY AVENGERS was a big letdown. Thankfully X-FACTOR #245 and AVX CONSEQUENCES #2 kind of make up for both that and the AVX finale. Cyclops has indeed been martyred enough as Marvel's "scapegoat for the new era", at least there he gets to "voice" his own point of view without any easy "maniacal zealot" shortcuts. The FF and Young Avengers samplings in MARVEL NOW POINT ONE give me more hope for the new initiative.

Plus, what is it with Hawkeye being so cool all of a sudden? Was it the costume all along?

My list of the best 10+5 books from the past two weeks:

1 AVX CONSEQUENCES #2
2 HAWKEYE #3
3 AVENGING SPIDER-MAN #13
4 X-MEN #38
5 THE WALKING DEAD #103
6 BATMAN #13
7 DAREDEVIL #19
8 X-FACTOR #245
9 MARVEL NOW #0.1
10 WOLVERINE AND THE X-MEN #18
11 MARVEL ZOMBIES HALLOWEEN #1
12 TRANSFUSION #1
13 NEW AVENGERS #31
14 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON 9 #14
15 BATGIRL #13

Follow me on twitter at @theComicsGreek, tell me how wrong (or awesome) I am about everything and chime in through the comments. I'm curious to see what you guys think of the column's evolving format.

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