Posted in: Comics, Look! It Moves! by Adi Tantimedh, Recent Updates | Tagged: aquaman, burbank, Comics, dc comics, entertainment, green arrow, Hawkwoman, los angeles, quentin tarantino

Douchey Cat Dishes on DC Comics' Move Westward – Look! It Moves! By Adi Tantimedh

Published Mon, 13 Jan 2014 14:00:00 -0600

by Hannah Means Shannon

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Adi Tantimedh writes:

So everyone is pretty much convinced that DC Comics moving its editorial offices out to California is a big game-changer in the comics industry in the coming years. For one thing, the location of both Marvel and DC's offices in Manhattan had established the city as the central hub of comics publishing for decades before the smaller companies like First Comics, Dark Horse or Image came along in other cities. DC had already moved many of their administrative departments to Burbank a few years ago, and now the consolidation of all of DC there is apace.

And who should get in touch with me but DC Comics' rather loose cannon PR rep Douchey Cat (not his real name, of course), not seen or heard from since that slightly nightmarish evening when he held an informal press conference at a strip club not far from Time Square last year. I had rather hoped he might have lost my email but that was not the case. He wanted to talk about the move to Burbank, and since I was in Midtown at the time, I reluctantly agreed to meet him at a coffee shop not far from the DC offices, on the day that Marvel Comics' office was evacuated due to a major fire outside their building.

"First of all," he said, " I did not set that fire!"

"Nobody suggested you did. So what did you want to tell us this time?"

"Well, the cat's out the bag! DC is moving the rest of the editorial offices and personnel out to the West Coast. We're going to Hollywood, baby!"

"Yeah, we know that. And technically, it's Burbank."

"That's right! Where Warner Brothers' studios and offices are."

"So the editorial staff will be hobnobbing with studio executives and stars. That's nice."

"Hell, no! They'll be housed at a separate building on the lot! Can't let them get too close to the stars!"

"Er, right. So what?"

"That's not the point! The point I want you to see is that Warners is consolidating DC! Everything in the same place so they can have better oversight and watch over them!"

"Makes sense. Still, it's not going to be the same. New York is going to feel very different from that point onward, like the comics industry here is dissipating. It used to be that aspiring comics writers and artists make the trip to New York to get an interview or pitch. By 2015, comic book writers and artists can dream of moving to LA to work for DC Comics! 'Go west, young man, and write Batman.' There are certainly worse places one can live in to write comics."

"Bitch, please! DC stopped having an open door policy a long time ago! You need to be invited! And anyway, everything's done via email now! And if you're not famous, DC Comics does not give a shit about you!"

"Well, no change there, then."

"But wait! There's more!"

"Now what?"

"Think about it! LA? Hollywood? Where everyone is either a struggling actor or a screenwriter? DC is going to start taking pitch meetings from screenwriters, especially if you've heard of them or they've written a movie or TV show that's been made! Your JJ Abrams! Your Damon Lindhelofs! Your Quentin Tarantinos!"

"But they're already famous and busy."

"Not if these hot screenwriters and TV writers are comic book nerds, and they all are these days! If DC can't get top-flight A-listers, they can get the next-best thing: indie screenwriters! Screenwriters who are about to become hot! Screenwriters who just sold their first script! Getting a DC Comics gig would become part of their career plan!"

"But would an up-and-coming screenwriter really want to write comics? Surely screenplays and teleplays pay more than a 22-page comic."

"That's where you're missing the bigger picture, Padawan! Screenplays get sold and can take years to get made or end up in Development Hell! A movie takes about two years to get made! For a screenwriter, the turnaround time for a comic is a lot shorter! And if what they write becomes popular, that ups their name value and cred as well!"

"So are you saying that screenwriters will be gearing up to pitch to DC in LA as a matter of course?"

"Damn skippy! That's what's going to be the new deal! Comics are all about the movies now anyway! This is the perfect synergy!"

"But screenwriters don't necessarily know the differences between writing a screenplay and a comics script."

"Well, they better start learning!"

"Hang on, I just had a thought. We've been hearing for two years now that DC editorial is notoriously hands-on with demanding rewrite after rewrite while not being able to make up their minds about what they really want in the story."

"Yup! So that'll be just like if these writers were working on a studio movie! Consistency!"

"So making comics becomes even more like Hollywood?"

"Dingdingding! You get the prize!"

"Look, it's not as if the readers are going to notice are they? The books are already consistently mediocre…"

"And by 2015, 2016, they'll be mediocre but written by screenwriters!"

"So. What? Yay?"

"It's all going Hollywood, baby! What if Jessica Alba wants to write a Hawkwoman comic? DC can take a meeting with her right there! If Brad Pitt wants to write an Aquaman comic, DC can take a meeting! George Clooney wants to write a Green Arrow comic? We are all in! And then we can get a screenwriter to ghostwrite the books for them! Brand recognition! Star power! Consolidation! That's how we get the eyeballs! Bums on seats!"

"Right. Thanks a lot for the non-story, Douchey Cat."

"Nobody cares about the comic books anyway! Everyone really cares about the TV show spinoffs and the movies! That's where the real money is!"

"That's just great. So are you making the move to LA as well?"
"Hells yeah! I'm PR, baby! They need me! I'm originally from LA anyway!"

"Are you? I should have known. Suddenly that explains a lot about you. I thought it was just all the Red Bull you drink. Are they paying for your move?"

"They'll be shipping me out there in a Fedex box! Cheaper that way, they said."

With that, I wished him luck and we parted ways. I couldn't wait for him to move out West so there's a whole continent between the two of us.

"Remember," he shouted as I walked away, "DC Comics still wants you all to hate them! It's how they know you care!"

Hollywood is satire at lookitmoves@gmail.com

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