The stage was set last night for one of the most epic showdowns in WWE history. WWE's Survivor Series PPV event was to be headlined by an all-star 5 vs 5 matchup, and as our colleague here at Bleeding Cool Gavin Sheehan put it, WWE was booking Survivor Series like it was going out of business. On one side, a team led by RAW general manager and Olympic hero Kurt Angle included Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, the Braun Strowman, and Triple H. On the Smackdown Live side, commissioner Shane McMahon led a team consisting of Shinsuke Nakamura, Bobby Roode, Randy Orton, and the immortal John Cena.
On paper, the match looked perfect. But in practice, everything that could possibly go wrong did. And by everything that could possibly go wrong, we mean that John Cena showed the @#$% up in a neon green tee-shirt and jorts when everyone else was wearing the colors of their brand.
Things started out well, with the RAW team entering the Arena first, all garbed in some form of red tee-shirt.
Kurt Angle wore a RAW shirt over his all-American singlet:
Here we go… 🏅🏅🏅#SurvivorSeries @RealKurtAngle pic.twitter.com/cH5dQpbPRD
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Finn Balor donned a Raw shirt with his leather jacket and underpants ensemble, showing that he would do anything for team spirit, including covering up those abs:
It's time to decide the superior brand as @FinnBalor makes his way to the ring for Team #RAW LIVE on @WWENetwork! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/k1FXjEamcU
— WWE Network (@WWENetwork) November 20, 2017
Samoa Joe already incorporates red into his color scheme, but he still donned the Raw t-shirt.
All business. #SurvivorSeries @SamoaJoe pic.twitter.com/MglQ7HzXFf
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
Braun Strowman is an unstoppable monster who once survived a week living inside the back of a garbage truck, but he still had enough civility to wear a sleeveless Raw shirt to the ring.
There's a MONSTER among us!#SurvivorSeries @BraunStrowman pic.twitter.com/Zkhv6Lgg3b
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
Even Triple H was playing ball, wearing a red t-shirt, albeit one emblazoned with Triple H-specific emblems:
TIME TO PLAY THE GAAAAAAAAAAAMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!#SurvivorSeries @TripleH pic.twitter.com/Tx3BlpmlDM
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Then came SmackDown Live's turn. Shane McMahon and Randy Orton came out first, dutifully attired in Smackdown blue.
Arguably the greatest performer in #SurvivorSeries history is ready to make more history!@RandyOrton pic.twitter.com/AORDw8gJDv
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
The Glorious One, Bobby Roode, wore his best blue sequined robe and, under that, a SmackDown Live t-shirt.
We are LIVE on @WWENetwork for #SurvivorSeries, and it is GLORIOUS!@REALBobbyRoode pic.twitter.com/qVoOEuKmLk
— WWE Network (@WWENetwork) November 20, 2017
Shinsuke Nakamura ditched his signature Michael Jackson red for a shiny blue shirt:
The ARTIST known as @ShinsukeN looks to paint another masterpiece for #SDLive! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/r0RhyysKPj
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
And then came John Cena, who probably did get the memo, but just didn't give a crap, wearing his neon green outfit:
TIME TO GO TO WORK! @JohnCena is BACK for #SDLive! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/O15pYhdDro
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Once he got to the ring, Cena stripped off his offensively green shirt, once again breaking dress code with the rest of the match participants.
Hope you all have your 🍿 ready…#SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/FsfXKN5JyI
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
As an epic showdown occured in the ring, how could anyone concentrate on anything other than John Cena's flagrant disregard for social color norms?
And here's the first move of the match!#SurvivorSeries @BraunStrowman @shanemcmahon pic.twitter.com/tCkpdk1l1f
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Fans were presented with dream matchup after dream matchup, some never before seen and some harkening back to classic rivalries. We saw Randy Orton square off against Samoa Joe:
Did you ever think you would see this?#SurvivorSeries @RandyOrton @SamoaJoe pic.twitter.com/AE4WBGbIXz
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
Finn Balor vs. Shinsuke Nakamura, prompting chants of NXT from the crowd, who were so confused by John Cena's attire that they forgot what show they were attending:
#2Sweet.#SurvivorSeries @FinnBalor @ShinsukeN pic.twitter.com/e3QiE34kqU
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Triple H, one of WWE's few remaining Attitude Era stars, after sharing a Too Sweet with Finn Balor at the start of the match, faced off against both Shinsuke Nakamura and Bobby Roode:
After @TripleH mixes it up with one former @WWENXT Champion @ShinsukeN, here comes another!#SurvivorSeries @REALBobbyRoode pic.twitter.com/0s0rsYmGwu
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
Kurt Angle, who did time in TNA with Roode, also stepped in the ring with him to deliver a few German suplexes:
In comes #RAW General Manager @RealKurtAngle, and it's time to for a ride, @REALBobbyRoode! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/2DFYyaGE7j
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
But things just weren't going well for SmackDown Live. Strowman eliminated both Nakamura and Roode:
There goes @ShinsukeN. There goes @REALBobbyRoode.@BraunStrowman has given #RAW a 5-3 advantage here! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/SM6o8EXL9D
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
How could Strowman take out two of Smackdown's hottest stars so quickly? Besides his enormous size, Strowman had another advantage. The SmackDown team, like everyone else, was distracted by John Cena's jorts and neon green armbands!
When @BraunStrowman is in a standoff with Team #SDLive, there's only ONE THING for The #BlueBrand to do… #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/fHyn5mf2vN
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Samoa Joe did his best to purge the infection:
Things remain INCREDIBLY PHYSICAL as @SamoaJoe and @JohnCena find themselves going toe-to-toe now! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/r1j4olxBI0
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
But to no avail:
The first member of Team #RAW to be eliminated is @SamoaJoe courtesy of a @JohnCena #AttitudeAdjustment! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/n5SomjmO7Y
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
This led to a showdown between Angle and Cena, two of the biggest stars of their generations and former rivals when Angle was on top of WWE and Cena was up and coming. Now, it's Angle, in the twilight of his career, facing off against the superman who ruled WWE for a decade. It was a historic moment, one of enormous gravity, but all anyone could see here was a grown man in jean shorts who thinks he's too damn important to wear a blue or red t-shirt like everyone else in the god damn match.
Things always come full circle.#SurvivorSeries @REALKurtAngle @JohnCena pic.twitter.com/BE2ILqZ4GA
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
It took the might of two Angle Slams to to eliminate the inappropriately dressed Cena:
One #CoupDeGrace and TWO #AngleSlams later, @RealKurtAngle ELIMINATES @JohnCena! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/djs7kEN5Hq
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
But the writing was already on the wall for SmackDown Live. Though Randy Orton did his best to make a dent in the opposition, taking out Finn Balor to even the odds (not counting Braun Strowman, who was unconscious on the floor after being suplexed through the announce table)…
It's down to 2-on-3 after THIS #RKO as @RandyOrton eliminates @FinnBalor from Team #RAW! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/j6FsdU1MX4
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
But the chickens were coming home to roost for Shane McMahon. For months, McMahon had been having trouble with insubordinate employee Kevin Owens, and the locker room cancer was beginning to spread, with Sami Zayn rejoining his once and future enemy in flaunting company policies. The pair had recently been sent home from a WWE European tour in an effort to instill some discipline in them, but after seeing John Cena come to the ring for an event of such huge magnitude and blatantly show himself to be above the rules that everyone else in the ring, even the company COO Triple H, had to follow, was a breaking point for the pair, who came to the ring to attack McMahon.
WAIT A MINUTE! #SDLive Commissioner @shanemcmahon is being attacked by @FightOwensFight and @SamiZayn?! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/ktZChPD4is
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
McMahon, showing just how far into chaos his brand had descended following John Cena's dress code violation, repeatedly beat his employees with a steel chair until they left the arena. But while he was distracted, Braun Strowman eliminated Randy Orton.
All on @shanemcmahon now…against @REALKurtAngle @TripleH AND @BraunStrowman as the #MonsterAmongMen takes out @RandyOrton! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/HXTpiL8epn
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
It was time for Triple H to put Shane McMahon through a mandatory training course on treating all employees the same way to avoid a lawsuit:
Well, this should be interesting…#SurvivorSeries @TripleH @shanemcmahon pic.twitter.com/aWXlYVk2qd
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
Kurt Angle punished McMahon for his poor management skills:
It's all about HUMILIATING #SDLive and @shanemcmahon for @REALKurtAngle! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/Bx8wouQDGh
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
But Triple H had had enough. If John Cena didn't have to wear a blue SmackDown Live t-shirt, why should Triple H, The Game, The Cerebral Assassin, be forced to deviate from his standard color scheme? Triple H filed a formal complaint with team captain Angle.
WHAT?! A #Pedigree by @TripleH to @REALKurtAngle just eliminated #RAW's GM from this match! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/Kfv3RfK20U
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Bringing RAW the victory, not just for the match, but for the entire Survivor Series event.
#RAW – 4️⃣#SDLive – 3️⃣#TeamRed WINS #SurvivorSeries! pic.twitter.com/7zw5DbbXRL
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
But Strowman was displeased. Who was John Cena to wear whatever he wants while the Monster Among Men was forced to squeeze into a RAW brand t-shirt, and we all know that they don't come in size extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra extra large. Strowman took out his frustrations on Triple H, husband of RAW commissioner Stephanie McMahon.
"IF YOU EVER TRY TO CROSS ME AGAIN…YOU WILL NEVER PLAY THIS GAME AGAIN!" – @BraunStrowman to @TripleH #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/TyRdgGEkDj
— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) November 20, 2017
And in a gesture of disgust that epitomized the feelings of everyone who participated in the match, all of the fans in the arena, the wrestlers and crew backstage, and the fans watching at home, Strowman showed Triple H and the world what he thought of John Cena being above the law when it comes to color coordinated ring attire.
Lesson learned: DON'T MESS WITH @BraunStrowman! #SurvivorSeries pic.twitter.com/rdQlkCTysw
— WWE (@WWE) November 20, 2017
Some might argue that Cena's jorts are technically blue, and thus should have counted toward team spirit, but this is wrong for several important reasons, not the least of which is that nobody above the age of five should be wearing jorts outside of the 1990s. Cena's jorts were a different shade of blue than everyone else's, not the official SmackDown Live color. The SmackDown Live official color is not denim, and John Cena isn't fooling anybody. John Cena wore whatever he wanted because he's John Cena and he thinks he can do whatever he wants. In the long run, his choice of dress cost his team the victory, but ask yourself this question: if John Cena can't even be bothered to wear a matching t-shirt, does he really care whether his team wins or loses?
We would argue he does not, because the second he hit the ramp, preening in his neon green t-shirt and baseball cap (available now on WWE Shop dot com), he had already won… and everyone else had already lost.