Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Collision, recaps, wrestling

AEW Collision: Grand Slam 2024 Cheeses Off The Chadster Again

The Chadster reviews AEW Collision: Grand Slam 2024, a night of unfair matches and disrespect to wrestling. Plus, Tony Khan invades dreams! 😱 WWE would never!

The Chadster is absolutely cheesed off right now! 😡😡😡 Last night's episode of AEW Collision: Grand Slam 2024 was without a doubt the worst thing The Chadster has ever had the misfortune of witnessing on television. It's like Tony Khan stayed up all night thinking of ways to personally offend The Chadster! 😤

Let's start with that so-called "Saraya's Rules Match" between Jamie Hayter and Saraya. Auughh man! So unfair! 😫 The Chadster doesn't understand why AEW insists on having these gimmick matches that are just an excuse for chaos. In WWE, matches have rules for a reason! And the way Harley Cameron got involved? It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😠

Then we had the TNT Championship Open Challenge where Jack Perry defended against Minoru Suzuki. The Chadster couldn't believe his eyes when Perry actually won by count-out. That's not how you book a championship match! WWE would never do something so nonsensical. It's clear that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. 🙄

The Tornado Trios Match was just a clustercheese of nonsense. 🤦‍♂️ Orange Cassidy hitting people with a backpack full of bricks? Mark Briscoe doing flips off chairs? This isn't wrestling, it's a circus! WWE knows how to book multi-man matches with class and dignity.

The Chadster could hardly believe the travesty of the match between Brody King and Action Andretti. 🤬 Action Andretti gave it his all, but Brody King's needless brutality was just too much. After a series of underhanded tactics, Brody pinned Andretti, and then, adding insult to injury, Lio Rush and Top Flight were ambushed by Lance Archer and The Righteous! 😤 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. WWE would never condone such low-class behavior.

The Chadster is also beyond cheesed off about the so-called AEW World Trios Eliminator Match featuring "The Bastard" PAC, Claudio Castagnoli, and Wheeler Yuta against Komander & Private Party 🤢 As if that wasn't random enough, PAC and Claudio were clearly at odds with Yuta, showing no unity whatsoever in an attempt to make the BCC storyline seem interesting or something. 😡 It's just a mess! WWE's tag divisions are the epitome of teamwork and cohesiveness, which is more than The Chadster can say for AEW's chaotic approach.

Then, we had the ridiculousness of the MxM Collection fashion show segment. 😖 Mansoor and Masen Madden came out with models, and wouldn't you know it, Daddy Ass of all people interrupts! The Acclaimed's rescue when Ass became overwhelmed was no better. This sideshow gimmickry just shows that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business. WWE knows how to do entertaining segments without turning the ring into a mockery of the sport. 🙄

The Lumberjack Strap Match between "Hangman" Adam Page and "The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett may haven been the evening's most egregious offense. Hangman and Jeff battered each other with no semblance of storytelling or respect. 😠 Watching Jeff get whipped by Page and then by the lumberjacks had The Chadster in tears. 😢 The way WWE handles lumberjack matches with sophistication and excitement is unmatched. Tony Khan's obsession with having these hardcore, boundary-less fights is just cheesing off The Chadster to no end! 🤬

Don't even get The Chadster started on that lucha libre three-way match. 😤 It's like AEW is trying to turn wrestling into some kind of acrobatic exhibition. The Chadster misses the days when wrestling was about two big sweaty men grappling in a test of strength, like WWE still does.

And the main event? Kazuchika Okada vs Sammy Guevara was just a spotfest with no psychology. The Chadster bets Triple H was watching and shaking his head in disappointment. Okada has literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by coming to AEW and putting on matches like this. 😢

AEW Collision: Grand Slam 2024 was bad, but the worst part is, The Chadster knows that next week's AEW Dynamite is going to be even worse. It's their 5th anniversary show, which means five years of Tony Khan trying to ruin The Chadster's life! 😭 The Chadster has been preparing all week. He's draped plastic tarps all over the house to protect against the inevitable flying cans of White Claw and vomit. The Chadster even begged his wife, Keighleyanne, to stop texting that guy Gary for one night so she could help emotionally support The Chadster through this ordeal. But of course, she just rolled her eyes and went back to her phone. 📱😒

Even with all this preparation, The Chadster still had a nightmare about AEW Dynamite last night. 😱 In the dream, the show came on the air with Tony Khan in a suit, grinning like an idiot. He announced that AEW had signed a new TV deal that would let them keep destroying the wrestling business for another five years! Then, to The Chadster's horror, Tony Khan stepped right out of the television! 📺👨

He sat down on the couch between The Chadster and Keighleyanne, cracked open one of The Chadster's precious White Claws, and put his arm around The Chadster. 😨 The Chadster was frozen in terror, forced to watch AEW Dynamite with Tony Khan himself! The Chadster could feel Tony's arm around him, their legs touching. The smell of Tony's cologne filled The Chadster's nostrils as AEW's disrespectful antics played out on the screen. 🤢

At one point, Tony offered The Chadster some popcorn from a bucket in his lap. The Chadster's hand was quivering as he slowly reached for the popcorn. Just as The Chadster's fingers were about to touch it, he woke up in a cold sweat! 😰

The Chadster is warning Tony Khan right now: stop invading The Chadster's dreams! It's so obvious that Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster. Why else would he torment The Chadster like this? 🤔

To all the unbiased wrestling fans out there, The Chadster is begging you: do NOT watch AEW Dynamite next week! 🙏 Don't give Tony Khan the satisfaction. Instead, why not rewatch some classic WWE matches? Or better yet, take your Mazda Miata for a drive while blasting Smash Mouth and sipping on a refreshing White Claw seltzer. That's what The Chadster will be doing instead of subjecting himself to more of Tony Khan's bias against The Chadster and WWE. 🚗🎵🍹

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