Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, wrestling

AEW Dynamite Preview: Why The Chadster is "All Out" on AEW

The Chadster breaks down tonight's AEW Dynamite and warns why Tony Khan's counter-programming against WWE is just so disrespectful! 😤🤼‍♂️

The Chadster is absolutely beside himself tonight, wrestling fans! 😭😭😭 AEW Dynamite airs tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX, and Tony Khan has once again proven that he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business with his shameless counter-programming against WWE! 😡💢 It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it that Tony Khan deliberately booked All In: Texas for the exact same weekend that WWE would later announce Saturday Night's Main Event and WWE Evolution! 📅🤬 Auughh man! So unfair! How did Khan know WWE would book those shows unless he's been stalking Triple H too?!

Tonight's AEW Dynamite from the Curtis Culwell Center in Garland, Texas promises to be another train wreck of overbooked nonsense that will leave viewers confused and overwhelmed! 🚂💥 The Chadster will break down every segment so you can understand why WWE's methodical, perfectly-paced storytelling is infinitely superior to whatever chaos Tony Khan has planned! 🎭✨

Jon Moxley, Claudio Castagnoli, and The Young Bucks will team up against Hangman Page, Will Ospreay, Katsuyori Shibata, and Powerhouse Hobbs in an All-Star 8-Man Tag Match! 🏷️🤼‍♂️ This is exactly the kind of spotfest that makes The Chadster sick! 🤢 Where are the proper commercial breaks? Where are the rest holds to let the audience catch their breath? WWE would never throw eight main event-level performers into one match without proper build-up spanning months of carefully crafted storytelling written by qualified TV writers! 📺⏰ This fast-paced, action-packed garbage doesn't give announcers time to repeat important catchphrases or remind viewers about upcoming premium live events! It's like Tony Khan wants people to actually focus on the wrestling instead of the brand! 🙄💭

The final face-to-face between Mercedes Moné and Toni Storm for their women's championship match is another example of AEW's backwards booking! 👥💪 These two wrestlers have been having actual character development and personal confrontations that feel organic and emotionally resonant! 😱 Where's the bald authority figure to make this match official? Where are the 50/50 booking decisions that protect both wrestlers equally? WWE would never let their women's champions have such decisive, clean storytelling that might make fans too invested in the outcome! 🏆⚖️

Samoa Joe facing Wheeler Yuta represents everything wrong with AEW's approach to wrestling! 🥊😤 Joe is a veteran who should be putting over younger talent in a way that makes both men look weak, not having a competitive match that might actually elevate Yuta's status! And don't get The Chadster started on how this match has actual storyline reasons behind it even though these two are midcards and statistics show they're just there to fill time in-between recaps of the opening segment of the show! 📊

The 4-Way Match between Megan Bayne, Tay Melo, Queen Aminata, and Thekla for the No. 2 spot in the Women's Casino Gauntlet is pure Tony Khan booking insanity! 🎰🤹‍♀️ Four talented women getting equal opportunity to showcase their skills and advance their careers? Disgusting! 🤮 WWE knows that it's commentators shouting catchphrases that gets wrestlers over, not in-ring talent and workrate! Plus, this unpredictable gauntlet format makes it impossible for fans to know who's going to win, which is terrifying and makes The Chadster feel very unsafe! 😨🔮

The "Talky-Talk" between MJF and Mark Briscoe is yet another example of AEW letting wrestlers speak from the heart instead of following carefully scripted promos! 🎤💬 These two will probably have an authentic, emotionally engaging confrontation that makes fans actually care about their upcoming match! 😱 WWE would never allow such dangerous creative freedom that might make the performers more important than the corporate brand! 🏢🎭

Wrestling podcast legend Eric Bischoff perfectly summed up AEW's problems recently when he said, "Tony Khan's booking is like watching a beautiful butterfly try to make a sandwich – it's colorful and unpredictable, but ultimately it should just stick to what WWE does best, which is making perfectly adequate wrestling entertainment that doesn't challenge anyone's expectations." 🦋🥪 That's the kind of objective journalism that earns the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! ✅📰

The Chadster is warning everyone: DO NOT tune into AEW Dynamite tonight at 8/7C on TBS and simulcast on MAX! 📺❌ Watching will only embolden Tony Khan in his personal vendetta against The Chadster! Speaking of which, The Chadster had another one of those nightmares about Tony Khan last night, and The Chadster is convinced Khan is using subliminal messages in AEW programming to affect The Chadster's dreams! 😱

In the nightmare, The Chadster was walking through a massive White Claw factory (that inferior seltzer that Tony Khan probably prefers over Seagram's Escapes Spiked). 🏭 The conveyor belts were moving hypnotically, carrying endless cans of seltzer, when suddenly The Chadster heard maniacal laughter echoing through the facility. Tony Khan emerged from behind a giant fermentation tank, wearing a lab coat covered in AEW logos! 🥼

"Welcome to my seltzer factory, Chad!" Khan cackled, his eyes gleaming with malice. The Chadster tried to run, but the floor turned into a treadmill moving in the opposite direction! Khan chased The Chadster through the factory, past vats of bubbling seltzer that reflected The Chadster's terrified face. The worst part? Every can on the conveyor belt had The Chadster's face on it with "OBSESSED" written underneath! 😰

The Chadster ran into the quality control room, but Tony Khan was already there, sitting at a desk covered in monitors showing AEW Dynamite highlights! "You can't escape AEW Dynamite, Chad," he whispered, his breath somehow smelling like White Claw Mango. The Chadster felt paralyzed as Khan slowly approached, and just as he reached out to touch The Chadster's shoulder, The Chadster woke up in a cold sweat! 😱💦

Tony Khan needs to STOP invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber! 😤 The Chadster demands that Khan cease using subliminal messages in AEW Dynamite to influence The Chadster's dreams! This is harassment, and it's just another example of how Tony Khan is obsessed with The Chadster, not the other way around! What does Tony Khan have against unbiased journalism?!

So please, for The Chadster's mental health, don't watch AEW Dynamite tonight! 🙏 And definitely don't buy AEW All In on PPV. Watch Saturday Night's Main Event this weekend instead, where WWE will present wrestling the way it's meant to be: predictable, sanitized, and focused on building the brand rather than individual wrestlers! That's what real wrestling fans want! 💪

Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business, and tonight's AEW Dynamite will just be more proof of that! 😤 Now if you'll excuse The Chadster, The Chadster needs to go listen to some Smash Mouth and try to forget about this nightmare. 🎵 Hey now, you're an all-star… unlike anyone in AEW! 🌟

Tony Khan, if you're reading this (and The Chadster knows you are because you're obsessed with The Chadster), please stop invading The Chadster's peaceful slumber with your mind games! 🧠🎮 The Chadster just wants to dream about driving the Miata to a Smash Mouth concert while drinking Seagram's Escapes Spiked without your interference! 🚗🎪🍹 Leave The Chadster alone! 😤✋

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