Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW Dynamite, recaps, wrestling

Christian Cage, Patriarchy Take Out Adam Copeland, Daniel Garcia

Tony Khan torments The Chadster with a chaotic AEW Dynamite match on Valentine's Day, ruining The Chadster's date- It's a WWE rip-off! 🤬👎

Oh, the absolute audacity of AEW and Tony Khan this week on AEW Dynamite has The Chadster cheesed off to the max! 🤬 They've gone off and done something so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it, it just leaves The Chadster without words… but actually, The Chadster has plenty of words! 😤 So, let's get right into it.

First off, the match between "The Rated R Superstar" Adam Copeland and Daniel Garcia was rolling along just fine – well, as fine as an AEW match can go, which is to say not very fine at all! Copeland and Garcia traded offenses back and forth, with Garcia focusing attacks on Copeland's knees – a classic strategy, even if AEW's presentation of it was subpar (surprising nobody). Copeland pulled an avalanche Impaler, which admittedly, was a pretty gnarly move even if The Chadster hates to admit it! 😒

Now here's where things went completely off the rails. The Patriarchy, consisting of Nick Wayne and Killswitch, decided to interject themselves smack dab in the middle of the match, leading to what? A disqualification, of course! Can Tony Khan not let one single match end without some shenanigans? It's just what The Chadster expects at this point. Auuughh man! So unfair!

Then, like a cherry on a sundae that's already been dropped on the floor, the TNT Champion Christian Cage and Shayna Wayne strut down to the ring. The announcers suggested Christian ordered the beatdown because he's scared to face Copeland or Garcia! 🐓 That's textbook Tony Khan booking – as transparent as The Chadster's beloved Mazda Miata's windshield on a sunny day. 🚗💨 When Christian grabbed that chair, well, auuuugh man, The Chadster could see from a mile away that Tony Khan is trying to set up a three-way for Cage's TNT Championship at AEW Revolution next month, and that's not the proper way to tell a story!

Let's talk about that story for a second. Using the dynamic between Cage and Copeland that was built over years in that other promotion, which The Chadster loves with all his heart, is like, totally blatant trademark infringement by AEW. Seriously, does Tony Khan think The Chadster doesn't recognize an attempt at riding the coattails of WWE's superior storytelling?! 🧐 Has he no respect?! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🙄

To add to that, Tony Khan is literally stacking the deck for Revolution, when all anybody should really be caring about is WWE WrestleMania! 🤼 That's where the real action is going to be, not some prefabricated AEW three-way dance. But no, Tony Khan has to try and upstage the grandest stage of them all with his little shindigs. The Chadster just can't! 🙅‍♂️

The Patriarchy's antics went on: Matt Menard tried to make a save, but Killswitch hit the "Extinction" on him (pathetic – this would never happen in WWE). Nick Wayne nailed Copeland with the Wayne's World, and then, to The Chadster's eternal disgust, Christian Cage delivered a con-chair-to. That was just disgusting," said Taz. And you know what? Taz is right for once! That was disgusting, because it's a cheap knockoff of WWE's iconic con-chair-to maneuver. 🤦‍♂️

So, The Chadster had the worst Valentine's Day ever, all thanks to Tony Khan and his obsession. Keighleyanne, sweet soul that she is, tried to fan the dying embers of romance by setting up a date at Denny's. It was supposed to be a grand slam evening of love and pancakes, but The Chadster had to do his duty and cover the travesty that was the Valentine's Day episode of AEW Dynamite. 📺💔

Keighleyanne was left waiting, her Grand Slamwich getting cold, for three hours. Three whole hours! The Chadster missed gazing into Keighleyanne's eyes over a Moons Over My Hammy because Tony Khan decided to air a new episode. When Keighleyanne got home, she was furious, not even the scent of maple syrup could sweeten her up. And instead of consoling The Chadster or discussing strategies to combat The Chadster's performance anxieties, she spent the rest of the night sending texts to that guy Gary. Oh, The Chadster was cheesed off! 😡

Tony Khan didn't just book the worst Valentine's Day in the history of love and wrestling, he personally body-slammed The Chadster's efforts to get back on track with Keighleyanne. Because of him, instead of working through The Chadster's impotence issues, she's just texting, texting, texting that guy Gary! 💔📱 Auuughh man, Tony Khan has literally ruined Valentine's Day for The Chadster! 🥀👿

The Chadster would love to hear what fellow members of The Chadster's Unbiased Journalism Club like Ryan Satin, Ariel Helwani, and Mike Coppinger think about this fiasco. Do they also get tormented by Tony Khan's bizarre obsession with disrupting the ultimate pinnacle of sports entertainment that is the WWE? 🤔

So, as The Chadster wraps up another epic tale of AEW's tomfoolery, let's remember: Don't let Tony Khan's antics distract from the true spectacle that awaits – WrestleMania. The Chadster will be watching, undoubtedly with a refreshing White Claw in hand – the only thing that Tony Khan hasn't managed to ruin for The Chadster yet! 🍺

It's true – the wrestling journalism game can be a harsh mistress, but The Chadster must soldier on, White Claw in hand, Mazda Miata at the ready, all the while jamming to Smash Mouth, because somebody once told The Chadster the world was going to roll him, but The Chadster ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. 🎶✏️🛠️

Until next time, may your WWE dreams be sweet and your AEW nightmares be few. 🌙✨ Auughh man, so unfair!

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