Posted in: Impact Wrestling, Sports, TV | Tagged: impact, recaps, The Shovel, wrestling

Final Resolution Results: Edwards & Edwards vs. Dashwood & Kaleb

Greetings, comrades! It is I, El Presidente, finally making my glorious debut on Bleeding Cool to report on Impact Wrestling's Final Resolution PPV! I would like to thank my colleagues, the infamous Jude Terror, and that wussy Chad McMahon. Haw haw haw! What a funny guy!

The capitalist pigs at Avatar Press have demanded that I print this boilerplate, keyword-rich copy to line their pockets with click revenue. One day, they shall die like dogs, but El Presidente will comply with their demands until then.

Final Resolution emanates from Skyway Studios in Nashville, Tennessee and airs exclusively on Impact Plus. On the card tonight: The Sea Stars face Havok and Neveah. Hernandez takes on Fallah Bahh with special officials Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz at ringside. Rohit Raju defends the X-Division Championship in the final Defeat Rohit challenge of 2020. Eric Young (with Joe Doering) faces Rhino. Larry Dreamer fights Tommy Dreamer in an "Old School Rules" match for Larry's freedom. Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb with a K team up to take on Eddie Edwards and Alisha Edwards. Deonna Purrazzo (with Kimber Lee) defends the Knockouts Championship against Rosemary (with Taya Valkyrie). Karl Anderson faces Ethan Page (with Josh Alexander), and if Page wins, The North gets a tag team championship shot. And finally, Rich Swann defends the Impact World Championship against Chris Bey.

And now, as Karl Marx used to say, let's get this show on the road! Haw haw haw!

Impact Wrestling Final Resolution Recap Part 3

Kiera Hogan and Tasha Steelz discuss whether to give back the money to Fallah Bahh or Hernandez. Comrades! You should distribute that money equally to all the people! Unfortunately, they leave the question undecided, but I have faith they will see the light one day, as everyone in the world will. Or else.

Kaleb with a K and Tenille Dashwood come to the ring first, followed by Alisha and Eddie Edwards. I'm not sure Impact actually has any plan for any of these wrestlers, but sometimes you just have to wing it. That's advice I always gave my protege Nicolas, but he never listened to me, and now his right to rule is contested. I hate to say I told you so, but… haw haw haw, just kidding. El Presidente loves to say I told you so!

Alisha and Tenille wrestle most of the match. Kaleb, who is not the sort of man one wants in their revolutionary army, is largely ineffective against Eddie Edwards, but he is very effective cheating on behalf of Tenille from outside the ring. Since this is Impact, the match is intergender, and there are no restrictions on who can face who. Eddie and Alisha have the upper hand, but Sami Callihan interrupts by flashing the lights and showing his logo on the big screen. This allows Tenille to get the pin on a distracted Alisha.

Tenille Dashwood and Kaleb with a K defeat Alisha Edwards and Eddie Edwards

Sami Callihan emerges from beneath the ring to execute a guerilla attack on Eddie Edwards. He hits him with a bat and then hits a package piledriver. He punishes Eddie some more and leaves. Sometimes you have to engage in a little bit of extrajudicial violence. It's just the way it is.

The Clicks Continue

Comrades, please stick with Bleeding Cool for your live Impact Wrestling Final Resolution coverage. Jude Terror will be taking over for the next match. Socialism or death, my friends.

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