Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: aew, Rampage, recaps, wrestling

Five Things The Chadster Hated About AEW Rampage on June 10th, 2022

Lonely is the life of wrestling's only unbiased journalist. For years now, The Chadster has faithfully performed his duty, watching AEW and reporting objectively on how the company's mission is to RUIN THE CHADSTER'S LIFE. You would think that this would earn The Chadster a promotion so he could cover a wrestling show that doesn't cause him sexual impotence, such as WWE Smackdown or WWE Raw, but no, those jerks Ryan Fassett and Jude Terror get those amazing jobs, jobs they don't even truly appreciate, while The Chadster is forced to report on AEW Rampage, ensuring that The Chadster's entire weekend is spoiled by AEW's programming. Auughh man! So unfair!

But though The Chadster may not be able to perform in the bedroom, that won't stop The Chadster from performing his duties. Here are the five things The Chadster hated about AEW Rampage this week.

Eddie Kingston defeats Jake Hager

Eddie Kingston won this AEW Rampage opening match with a spinning backfist. Kingston is a breakout babyface for AEW, beloved by a crowd that identifies with him. If Kingston disrespectfully got wildly cheered above expectations by the audience in WWE, WWE would punish him by giving him a dumb gimmick and making him job out all the time, but since Tony Khan doesn't understand the first thing about the wrestling business, instead, Kingston gets a big push building him up into one of the company's top stars. So stupid.

Satnam Singh and Jay Lethal defeat Besties In The World

Satnam Singh and Jay Lethal made quick work of these jobbers for Singh's debut on AEW Rampage. Personally, The Chadster feels there are enough giants in wrestling. However many WWE has is the exact right amount and AEW should stay out of WWE's business and stop trying to add more. But Tony Khan has absolutely zero respect for the wrestling business and everything Vince McMahon has done for it, so that's just not going to happen.

Hook and Danhausen Bought "Cars"

Danhausen and Hook showed off the new "cars" Danhausen says they bought after winning at Double or Nothing, but they're obviously just golf carts. Of course, the AEW fans won't call them out on this because they're so biased.

Kris Statlander defeats Red Velvet

Red Velvet fell prey to Kris Statlander's Friday Night Fever to give Statlander a victory on AEW Rampage last night. This match really shows how, while AEW has been increasing the depth of their women's division, they haven't forgotten to build up their homegrown stars, which is just so disrespectful to WWE considering WWE built up all those stars and fired them, so you would think AEW would forget all about Velvet and Statlander, but no.

Luckily, AEW showed the tiniest respect by making the match all about Athena, who came out to brawl with Jade Cargill after Statlander and Anna Jay got beat down after the match by the Baddies.

Trent Beretta and FTR defeated Will Ospreay and Aussie Open

Trent got the pin in this cross-promotional match on AEW Rampage, which saw people from AEW face people from NJPW as both companies team up to bully The Chadster's beloved WWE. All of this is leading up to the ultra-bullying Forbidden Door PPV, which is sure to make The Chadster's life absolutely miserable later this month. Though Will Ospreay didn't take the pin, it was surprising that he would lose his first match in AEW, but The Chadster supposes there's nothing NJPW and AEW won't do to hurt WWE because they're just petty like that.

That's everything from AEW Rampage this week. Now The Chadster has to see if he can salvage his weekend. Sexual intercourse with Keighleyanne is out, obviously, but maybe a four-pack of White Claw seltzer will brighten The Chadster's mood.

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