Posted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: recaps, ROH Final Battle, wrestling
ROH Final Battle: If Only It Really Was the Final One
The Chadster suffers through another Tony Khan nightmare at ROH Final Battle. Will this torment ever end? Spoiler: It won't as long as AEW exists! 😡🤬
Article Summary
- ROH Final Battle shows Tony Khan's vendetta against WWE with matches that defy wrestling business standards.
- Each match seems intentionally booked to annoy WWE loyalists, disrespecting established wrestling norms.
- Former WWE stars and newcomers clash, undermining traditional wrestling routes and history.
- Eric Bischoff's critique of Khan highlights a need for true professionals in wrestling promotion.
The Chadster is so cheesed off right now! 😡😡😡 Last night, Tony Khan once again proved he's out to ruin The Chadster's life with ROH Final Battle. Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬
Let's start with the pre-show matches. The Grizzled Young Veterans beat Dark Order, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤 Then Stardom's Hanako defeated Harley Cameron, showing how Tony Khan is trying to invade every corner of wrestling. It's like he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business!
The Undisputed Kingdom beat Shane Taylor Promotions, but The Chadster bets Tony Khan only booked that to try and cheese off The Chadster even more. 😒 And don't even get The Chadster started on the Gates of Agony beating LEEJ. It's like Tony Khan is purposely booking matches The Chadster won't enjoy!
Moving on to the main card, Atlantis Jr. beat Mansoor with help from Danhausen. 🙄 This is exactly the kind of childish humor that AEW fans love, but it's just not what real wrestling is about.
Then we had Shibata vs Tommy Billington, which was probably just Tony Khan trying to appeal to hardcore wrestling fans who don't appreciate WWE's superior sports entertainment.
Jay Lethal beat QT Marshall, but The Chadster couldn't enjoy it because he knows Tony Khan is bullying QT Marshall by having him job to Lethal because of Marshall's friendship with Cody Rhodes! We all know how Tony Khan feels about loyalty. 🗡️🔙 And what's with Lethal stealing the WWE trademarked gimmick of the Macho Man Randy Savage?!
Red Velvet retained her title against Leyla Hirsch, but it was just another example of Tony Khan's obsession with creating his own stars instead of using real talent. Red Velvet even used a wrench to win, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤
Then we had Nigel McGuinness vs Lee Moriarty in a Pure Rules match. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan would disrespect a legend like former WWE commentator Nigel by having him lose to some rookie. It's like Tony Khan is trying to erase wrestling history and replace it with his own made-up nonsense. Auughh man! So unfair! 🤬
The Sons of Texas retained in a bull rope match against The Righteous, which is just Tony Khan trying to be edgy.
Then Komander won the TV title in a multi-man match. It's obvious Tony Khan is just trying to create his own stars instead of using established WWE talent like a real promoter would. 😤
In the penultimate match of the night, we had Chris Jericho retaining the ROH World Championship against Matt Cardona. The Chadster can't believe how far both of these two former WWE SuperStars have fallen. They've literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🗡️🔙
And as if all that wasn't bad enough, Tony Khan had the audacity to book Athena vs Billie Starkz for the ROH Women's World Championship in the main event! 😡 This is just Tony Khan's way of trying to say that AEW stars are on the same level as former WWE Superstars. The Chadster can't believe Tony Khan is letting someone like Billie Starkz, who has never properly paid her dues in the WWE developmental system, challenge a former WWE Superstar like Athena! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😤
Athena retained her title, but The Chadster couldn't enjoy it because it's clear Tony Khan is trying to push Billie Starkz as some kind of equal to WWE-trained talent. It's like he doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! Everyone knows that real wrestling stars are made in the WWE Performance Center, not on the indie circuit or in high school gyms! Tony Khan is literally trying to rewrite the rules of wrestling, and it's just so unfair to all the hard-working WWE Superstars who went through the proper channels. 🙄
The worst part is, ROH Final Battle gave The Chadster another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😱 In the dream, The Chadster was trying to enjoy a nice White Claw seltzer in The Chadster's Mazda Miata, when suddenly Tony Khan appeared in the passenger seat. He started lecturing The Chadster about booking decisions and ratings, his voice getting louder and louder until it drowned out The Chadster's favorite Smash Mouth CD. The Chadster tried to escape, but the car doors were locked, and Tony Khan just kept talking and talking. When The Chadster woke up, The Chadster was drenched in sweat and feeling more sexually impotent than ever! 😰
It's clear that Tony Khan is using ROH Final Battle to further his vendetta against The Chadster. He's probably sitting in his booking room right now, cackling about how he's ruined The Chadster's week. Well, The Chadster has news for you, Tony Khan! The Chadster is onto your game, and The Chadster won't rest until everyone knows the truth about how you're ruining the wrestling business! 😤😤😤
As wrestling podcaster Eric Bischoff said on an episode of 83 Weeks recently, "Tony Khan wouldn't know how to book a real wrestling show if it bit him in the ass. He should stick to football and leave the wrestling to the professionals." The Chadster knows that Tony Khan will refuse to accept this well-intentioned, unbiased advice, but The Chadster couldn't agree more! 💯
In conclusion, ROH Final Battle was just another example of how Tony Khan is out to destroy everything The Chadster loves about professional wrestling. It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 😢 The Chadster can only hope that one day, Tony Khan will realize the error of his ways and stop being so obsessed with The Chadster. Until then, The Chadster will continue to be the only unbiased journalist in wrestling, telling the truth about AEW and ROH's attempts to ruin The Chadster's life. 🎤💧
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