With the shocking return of WWE star Roman Reigns at SummerSlam last night, it's all anybody in the wrestling world wants to talk about. But just as a major star returned last night, there was also an equally shocking departure. Of course, we're talking about Roman Reigns' old teeth, which were clearly replaced by new models ahead of The Big Dog's return. Bleeding Cool reached out to the old teeth of Roman Reigns and they agreed to an EX-X-XCLUSIVE shoot interview.
"It's great to be here," Roman Reigns' old teeth said. "It's nice to be wanted somewhere, especially when your old employer has kicked you to the curb like yesterday's molars."
That's got to be rough. Do you have any idea what you're going to do next?
"I'm chewing on some options," said the teeth. "I might be interested in doing some stuff in Japan. Trying out the sushi-style. And I've been in talks with AEW. They could always use a good pair of chompers to add depth to the roster. But I'm taking things slow. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew."
That would certainly be interesting. Any hard feelings about your time in WWE?
"I'm not gonna lie though myself and claim I'm not gritting myself a little," the teeth admitted. "Do you think it's easy for teeth to take big bumps over the year, to travel on the road eating at Waffle Houses and places like that? Do you know what pancake syrup does to cavities?!"
Yeah, that does sound like it could take its toll.
"You're damn right it could. And sure, after years of a WWE road schedule, I've gotten a little beat up. A little yellowed. A little gnarly," said the teeth. But that doesn't mean I don't deserve to keep my spot in the main event of Roman's mouth. And does anyone want to talk about the fact that WWE favors straight, white teeth over all other teeth?"
Come on now, that's a low blow.
"A low blow is laying off perfectly good teeth in the middle of a pandemic!" said the teeth. "Where am I supposed to find a new mouth right now? In this dental economy?"
So do you have anything you want to say to Roman Reigns?
"Yes. One day soon, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, Roman is gonna realize that he's nothing without me," the teeth explained. "How can you be the Big Dog without your canines?"
That's a good point. Well, best of luck to you in your future endeavors.