WWE Extreme Rules: One Man Loses an Eye, the Other Loses His Lunch

Well, The Horror Show at Extreme Rules has been quite the PPV so far. Solid opening tables match between The New Day and Shinsuke Nakamura/Cesaro, followed by a title defense by Bayley against Nikki Cross that ended in cheating and heartbreak. And then a promo from Bray Wyatt that probably makes this show worth it on its own. Then we learned the United States Championship was canceled because Apollo Crews wasn't cleared by doctors. Did he tear his COVID-19 tendon? And this is just the first hour of Extreme Rules!

Key art for The Horror Show at Extreme Rules (Image: WWE)
Key art for The Horror Show at Extreme Rules (Image: WWE)

WWE The Horror Show at Extreme Rules: Seth Rollins vs. Rey Mysterio

And now, Seth Rollins and Rey Mysterio are going to battle in an Eye for an Eye Match, the objective of which is to rip out your opponent's eyeball. Rollins brings a pair of pliers to the ring. Yes, this match is taking place in the ring, not in a remote location. How are they gonna pull this off?

Mysterio attacks Rollins from behind to start the match but Rollins hits a sling blade and goes immediately after Mysterio's left eye (his right one is already injured and patched). Mysterio pulls a toolbox out from under the rim and pulls a piece of rebar out. But Rollins has a Kendo stick and he uses it on Mysterio. Mysterio gets Rollins into position for the 619 but Rollins escapes. Rey goes for a springboard hurricanrana to Rollins on the apron, but Rollins catches him and turns it into a falcon arrow. Ouch!

Rollins tries to rip Mysterio's eye out. "I'm gonna get that eye," he tells Mysterio while chasing him around the ring like a toddler. Rollins uses the rebar on Mysterio and then tries to jam his left eye into the stairs. Rollins brings Mysterio back in the ring and tries to gouge his eye out with the kendo stick. He slides Mysterio belly-first outside the ring and into a table that's folded up on the ground. Rollins gets a chair and lectures Mysterio: "none of this would have happened if you just listened." Rollins tries to use the leg of the chair to rip out Rey's eyeball. Hey, what did you expect? This PPV is called The Horror Show at Extreme Rules, after all.

WWE The Horror Show at Extreme Rules
Key art for The Horror Show at Extreme Rules (Image: WWE)

Mysterio gets the chair and hits Rollins in the stomach, but Rollins gets an ice pick or something out of the toolbox. Who's toolbox is this?! Mysterio tries to gouge out Rollins's eyeball with the chair leg now. He goes digging in the toolbox for some other totally plausible tool people would actually keep in a toolbox when Rollins hits him with the chair. Rollins grabs a bunch of string out of the toolbox and ties Mysterio's arm to the bottom rope. Mysterio fights him off and gets loose.

Back in the ring, Rollins hits Rey in the ribs with the kendo stick. He lodges the kendo stick into the ring post and then tries to ram Rey's head into it eyeball first. Rey blocks and makes a comeback. He hits the frog splash. Now he goes for Rollins's eye the old fashioned way, with his thumbs. Rollins counters a hurricanrana attempt and sends Mysterio flipping over his back. Rollins goes for The Stomp, but Mysterio dodges and hits a Tornado DDT.

The match spills outside again and Rey hits a pair of sunset flip powerbombs on Rollins into the plexiglass ring barrier. Mysterio breaks the kendo stick in half to get a sharp edge. Is he going to slay a vampire? Nope. He tries to stab Seth in the eye with the sharp end. Rollins escapes but Rey hits a 619. Rollins rolls out of the ring. Mysterio follows and hits a Stomp on Rollins. He tries to jam Rollins's eye on the stairs. He gets close, but Rollins fights him off.

Rollins kicks Mysterio's head into the barrier. Now Rollins hits a stomp. "You did this to yourself, Rey!" Rollins jams Mysterio's previously injured right eye into the stairs. Rey screams in pain as Rollins vomits at ringside. Officials rush to Rey and loudly proclaim "his eye is out of his head." They help a whimpering Mysterio backstage as he covers up the socket where his eye once lived. The Horror Show at Extreme Rules indeed.

Winner, and person who still has an eyeball….

The Performance Center crowd is in open revolt at this travesty of justice at Extreme Rules. They chant "shame" as Rollins walks to the back. I gotta say, I agree with them. If you're gonna do a match where you are supposedly ripping out your opponent's eye, and you're taping it in front of a crowd of paid employees in advance, why the hell wouldn't you let us see a CGI eyeball? Why not go all-in?

WEE The Horror Show at Extreme Rules
Key art for The Horror Show at Extreme Rules (Image: WWE)

Kayla Braxton interviews Bayley about her victory earlier tonight. Bayley is disturbed by what she just saw. She says Rey was one of her favorites growing up. She knows Rey might not "get a chance to watch" this later but she wants to let him know… he's not seeing double, she really does have two belts. Bayley introduces Sasha Banks and says that when Sasha beats Asuka tonight, they will hold all the gold. That match is next, and Chelsy has that one covered, so look for that report soon as Bleeding Cool's live coverage of WWE Extreme Rules continues.

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About Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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