Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview: The Greatest Night in the History of France

The Chadster previews WWE SmackDown's incredible lineup! But being sober is making The Chadster have strange thoughts about Tony Khan! So unfair! 😤📺

The Chadster is here to tell you about tonight's WWE SmackDown, which could very well be the most incredible wrestling show of all time! 😤 And The Chadster means that literally – this episode of WWE SmackDown from France is going to be so amazing that Tony Khan should just give up trying to compete with WWE's excellence. Although… wait, why should The Chadster care what Tony Khan does with his little wrestling company? 🤔 That's a weird thought. Must be because Keighleyanne banned The Chadster from drinking after she caught The Chadster boofing Seagram's Escapes Spiked last weekend. Being stone cold sober is making The Chadster feel really strange!

Speaking of strange, The Chadster slept through the entire night last night without a single nightmare about Tony Khan! 😱 What is he playing at?! Is this some kind of reverse psychology? The Chadster doesn't trust it one bit!

Let's talk about WWE SmackDown tonight, starting with Solo Sikoa vs. Sami Zayn for the United States Championship! 🏅 This match is going to be the greatest United States Championship match in the history of WWE SmackDown, and possibly in the history of professional wrestling! The story WWE has been telling with Sami Zayn overcoming the numbers game of The MFTs is pure wrestling genius that AEW could never replicate with their chaotic booking. The Chadster appreciates how WWE carefully controls every aspect of this storyline, unlike AEW's unpredictable… actually, unpredictability can be kind of exciting sometimes, can't it? 🤷 No! What is The Chadster saying?! This WWE SmackDown match will showcase real sports entertainment, not that indie-style wrestling Tony Khan loves so much!

John Cena returning to WWE SmackDown to respond to Logan Paul's blindside attack is going to be television gold! 📺✨ This could be the single greatest promo segment in WWE SmackDown history! The way WWE builds these confrontations with perfectly scripted dialogue and predetermined outcomes is so much better than AEW's looser promo style that… well, some people seem to enjoy, and that's their choice, The Chadster supposes. WAIT. Did The Chadster just say that?! 😰 This sobriety thing is really messing with The Chadster's head! John Cena on WWE SmackDown is what real wrestling fans want to see, not whatever Tony Khan thinks passes for entertainment!

The WWE SmackDown tag team number one contender's match between The Street Profits and Melo Don't Miz is going to be the most athletic tag team contest ever broadcast on television! 🏃‍♂️💨 The winner gets to face Joe Gacy and Dexter Lumis of The Wyatt Sicks, and The Chadster can guarantee this match will blow away anything AEW's tag division has to offer with their spot-fest matches that… entertain their audience in a different way than WWE entertains theirs. Dang it! 😣 Why does The Chadster keep having these unreasonable thoughts?! This WWE SmackDown match will prove why WWE's tag team division is superior!

Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss defending the WWE Women's Tag Team Championships against Piper Niven and Alba Fyre on WWE SmackDown is going to be women's wrestling at its absolute pinnacle! 👑 This match will showcase why WWE's women's division is light years ahead of AEW's, with their perfectly rehearsed movesets and camera-friendly positioning that Tony Khan just doesn't understand… or maybe he just has a different vision for his product? 🤯 NO! The Chadster needs a Seagram's Escapes Spiked immediately! This WWE SmackDown match will be perfection!

Finally, Michin going through Kiana James to get to Women's United States Champion Giulia is storytelling brilliance that will make this WWE SmackDown unforgettable! 🎯 The way WWE builds these rivalries with clear, simple motivations is so much better than AEW's convoluted storylines that their fans seem to really connect with for some reas– AUUGHH MAN! So unfair! 😩 Tony Khan must be doing something to The Chadster's brain chemistry through The Chadster's lack of alcohol! That's the only explanation!

Look, The Chadster's no-good brother Brad– The Chadster means, The Bradster– published a glowing review of AEW Dynamite this week, and The Chadster found himself thinking… "well, he's entitled to his opinion." 😱 WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE CHADSTER?! Is the lack of Seagram's Escapes Spiked in The Chadster's bloodstream affecting The Chadster's ability to be a true, loyal WWE fan?! The Chadster vows to get to the bottom of this, where The Chadster is sure to find Tony Khan somehow responsible!

Anyone who doesn't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8ET/7CT on USA would be shirking their duty as a wrestling fan! 📺 And anyone who thinks AEW is more "fun" to watch than WWE SmackDown clearly doesn't understand that wrestling is supposed to be… well, it's supposed to be whatever makes fans happy, The Chadster guesses? 😖 NO! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! WWE SmackDown is objectively better entertainment, just like how The Chadster's Mazda Miata is objectively better than whatever car Tony Khan drives!

The Chadster needs to figure out what's wrong immediately! This WWE SmackDown is going to be incredible, and The Chadster refuses to let sobriety ruin The Chadster's ability to properly appreciate WWE's superiority! 💪 Maybe The Chadster should sneak just one Seagram's Escapes Spiked before WWE SmackDown starts… for journalistic integrity, of course! 🍹

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