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WWE SmackDown Review: A Pivot Worse Than What's Pivoted From

Comrades, El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown where the midcard shines but the main event celebrity circus has this dictator worried about WrestleMania disaster!

Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from a repurposed Soviet submarine currently docked somewhere in the Caribbean, where I have just finished watching last night's episode of WWE SmackDown on a television I liberated from a luxury resort! And what an episode it was, comrades—a mixture of genuine brilliance, bewildering creative choices, and enough celebrity involvement to make even my good friend Kim Jong Un say, "Perhaps that is too much spectacle." And he once had a concert featuring every musician in North Korea playing simultaneously!

Let us break down everything that happened on WWE SmackDown, segment by segment, so that you, my loyal comrades, can bask in the glory of El Presidente's expert analysis!

Recap of Last Week's WWE SmackDown and Cody Rhodes Arrives with a New Amigo

WWE SmackDown opened with a video package recapping last week's shocking betrayal, where Pat McAfee aligned with Randy Orton to attack Cody Rhodes. Then we cut to the parking lot, where Cody arrived and immediately demanded to know McAfee's whereabouts from Nick Aldis. Aldis, ever the middle manager of sports entertainment, warned Cody not to lay hands on McAfee because the order came "from above." Ah, comrades, "orders from above"—I use that phrase myself whenever I want to avoid accountability for unpopular decisions! Then Jelly Roll showed up, told Cody this fight was bigger than just him, and pledged to watch his back. Now, I have many questions about why a country music artist is inserting himself into a championship feud, but I will save those for later when I have much, much more to say about this.

Rhea Ripley and IYO SKY Set the Table for the Main Event

The live portion of WWE SmackDown kicked off with Rhea Ripley storming to the ring and calling out Jade Cargill over her vicious attack on IYO SKY from Monday Night Raw. Ripley was furious, referring to SKY as "my Iyo," which warmed even El Presidente's cold, dictatorial heart. Then SKY herself came out and demanded to face Jade that very night. Aldis made it official: Jade Cargill vs. IYO SKY in the main event. This, comrades, is how you build a WrestleMania feud! Personal stakes, emotional investment, and women who could legitimately overthrow a small government with their bare hands. I should know—I once had to negotiate a peace treaty with a women's wrestling faction that attempted to seize my presidential yacht. We came to terms, but I had to give up the hot tub.

Alexa Bliss Steals One from Bayley

Bayley versus Alexa Bliss was a solid match, comrades, with Bayley looking dominant throughout. She hit the Bayley-to-Belly, followed up with a flying elbow, and appeared to have the victory secured. But then Charlotte Flair threw her jacket at ringside—yes, a jacket, comrades—and distracted Bayley long enough for Bliss to roll her up for the pin. Ah, the old distraction finish! I once lost a chess match to Alexander Lukashenko because he had an aide shine a laser pointer in my eyes during the final move. The principle is the same. Charlotte and Alexa now have momentum heading into the women's tag title match at WrestleMania, and Bayley is left fuming. A tale as old as time in both wrestling and geopolitics!

Backstage Tension: Carmelo Hayes, Trick Williams, and Lil Yachty

Backstage, Carmelo Hayes was getting his knee treated when Matt Cardona tried to offer some encouragement. Then Trick Williams and Lil Yachty strolled in like they owned the place—Trick dismissed the trainer, and Hayes blamed Trick for costing him his match last week. Yachty then mocked Hayes and told him he could watch Trick win the U.S. Title from his couch. Comrades, the audacity! This is like when the CIA told me I could watch my own country's independence day parade on television after they tried to install a puppet government. The nerve! Yachty continues to be a thorn in everyone's side, and while I appreciate his confidence, I must ask the same question I asked in my preview: who asked for this?

Drew McIntyre Gets Very, Very Personal with Jacob Fatu

A vignette aired with Drew McIntyre speaking from inside a jail cell—a wonderful aesthetic choice that I can personally relate to, as I have spent time on both sides of the bars, depending on which coup was successful that week. McIntyre called Jacob Fatu a failure as a man and a father, said his family knew him better from behind bars than at home, and tied it all to Fatu's criminal past. Comrades, this was dark, personal, and genuinely compelling television. McIntyre has that fire in his eyes that reminds me of myself when I discovered my Minister of Defense had been secretly subscribing to capitalist streaming services using government funds. This Unsanctioned Match at WrestleMania is going to be absolutely brutal, and I am here for every second of it.

Royce Keys Makes a Strong WWE SmackDown Debut

Royce Keys, the former Powerhouse Hobbs, made his WWE SmackDown in-ring debut against Berto, and comrades, the young man looked impressive! A video package highlighted his upbringing and journey to WWE, and then Keys went out and proved he belonged by powering through interference from Angel Garza and finishing Berto with a devastating spinebuster. Fresh talent, fresh energy, fresh possibilities! This is exactly what the socialist revolution—I mean, WWE—needs right now. I remember my own debut on the political stage: I too had to overcome interference from outside forces (specifically, the CIA and a rival general), and I too finished my opponent decisively, though my finishing move involved a tank rather than a spinebuster. Different arenas, same principle!

Jelly Roll and Pat McAfee Go Nose to Nose

Backstage, McAfee confirmed that Aldis had warned Cody not to touch him, smugly hiding behind corporate protection like every good capitalist. Then Jelly Roll got in McAfee's face, and the two had a heated nose-to-nose confrontation before being separated. Comrades, I must confess that watching two celebrities argue backstage about a wrestling storyline while the actual wrestlers wait their turn is… an experience. It is like when I attended a United Nations summit and two diplomats spent twenty minutes arguing about the seating arrangement while the actual humanitarian crisis went unaddressed. Entertaining? Perhaps. Productive? Debatable.

The Pat McAfee Segment: So Bad It's Good, or Just Bad?

Ah, comrades, here we are. The big one. The segment that will be debated in wrestling forums and secret underground resistance meetings alike for weeks to come.

McAfee came to the ring and delivered a promo ripping Cody Rhodes, calling him a fraud and a politician, insulting the crowd, and—here is where it gets truly bizarre—announcing a 25 percent discount on WrestleMania Saturday tickets. Now, comrades, let me be very clear about something. I am a dictator. I understand propaganda. I understand the delicate art of selling something to the people while simultaneously insulting their intelligence. And even I found this segment to be walking a very dangerous tightrope over a pit of what the wrestling historians call "Wrestlecrap."

Let me explain, comrades. On one hand, there is a perverse entertainment value here—a "so bad it's good" quality that made me spit out my confiscated champagne more than once. McAfee is committed to the bit, I will give him that. But the problems are numerous and deeply troubling from a booking perspective. First, the heel is pointing out that the babyface champion is a hypocrite—and he is not wrong! When the villain is making more logical arguments than the hero, you have a structural problem, comrades. This is like when my political opponents pointed out that my "People's Budget" allocated sixty percent of national funds to my personal palace renovations. They were correct, but I had them arrested anyway. WWE cannot arrest its audience into caring!

Second, having your heel character offer a discount on tickets to your biggest show of the year is… a choice. It acknowledges that tickets are not selling well, which breaks the illusion that WrestleMania is the hottest ticket in town. When I am trying to fill a stadium for one of my rallies, I do not have my enemies publicly announce discounts! I simply bus in citizens from the countryside and tell them it is a mandatory agricultural seminar.

Third, and most critically, this entire approach relies on what is known as the "smark perspective"—where the company itself becomes the villain, where the real-life corporate dynamics become the story. Comrades, this is a path that leads to madness. It is more likely to produce Vince Russo-style catastrophe than Vince McMahon-era magic. I once tried a similar approach in my government, where I made the corruption itself the spectacle, hoping the people would find it entertaining. They did not. They found it enraging. I barely escaped to my emergency helicopter.

And then there is the matter of Jelly Roll. Comrades, who asked for this? Who sat in a creative meeting and said, "You know what the feud between Cody Rhodes and Randy Orton needs? A country music star as a major player!" Orton appeared on the big screen standing over an injured Jelly Roll, dragged him onto the stage, then ambushed Cody from behind. McAfee joined in, and eventually Orton hit Cody with a DDT and blasted him with the WWE Championship belt. The beatdown was effective, I will admit. Orton and McAfee looked like credible threats. But the fact that Jelly Roll was treated as equally important to the WWE Champion in this segment is a symptom of the celebrity disease that is infecting this company.

I say this as someone who loves American pop culture, comrades. I once flew Fidel Castro to Miami specifically to attend a Pitbull concert, and we had a wonderful time. But there is a difference between celebrity involvement that enhances a product and celebrity involvement that replaces the product. WWE is dangerously close to the latter.

Jacob Fatu Dominates Tama Tonga in His Hometown

In much more straightforward and satisfying wrestling action, Jacob Fatu defeated Tama Tonga in front of his hometown crowd. Tama got in some meaningful offense, including a near-fall after a neckbreaker, but Fatu rallied and finished the job with a pop-up Samoan Drop followed by a beautiful moonsault. This, comrades, is what wrestling should be—two talented performers telling a story with their bodies, in front of a crowd that genuinely cares. No celebrities required! Just pure, beautiful violence, much like the revolution itself.

Drew McIntyre Brutalizes Jacob Fatu in a Barbaric Post-Match Assault

But the celebration was short-lived, comrades! Drew McIntyre attacked immediately after the bell, beat Fatu down mercilessly, ran him into the steel steps, smashed him with a chair, handcuffed him with a chain, suspended him from the ring post, kicked him repeatedly, hit a Claymore, and then—in a truly savage touch—whipped him with a belt. Comrades, I have interrogated political prisoners with less intensity than this! McIntyre standing tall over the chained and brutalized Fatu was a haunting image, and it has made their Unsanctioned Match at WrestleMania feel like it truly could be a career-altering event. This is the kind of storytelling that makes wrestling great. No discount codes, no rappers, no country singers—just hatred and violence. Beautiful.

R-Truth, Danhausen, and Rhea Ripley's Backstage Reign of Terror

Comrades, this backstage segment was delightful chaos. R-Truth was manning a fake ESPN booth, talking on the phone about who knows what, when Danhausen appeared and declared he would beat Kit Wilson and then take over the world. Ah, a man after my own heart! Damian Priest joined the group, and the usual Truth confusion about Danhausen ensued. But the real action was in the background, where Rhea Ripley grabbed B-Fab and threw her into a production case like she was disposing of a dissident at one of my state dinners! "One down and one to go," Ripley declared. Ruthless efficiency! I must recruit this woman for my cabinet immediately.

Sami Zayn, Trick Williams, and Lil Yachty Exchange Words

Sami Zayn came out to a mixed crowd reaction—which is concerning for a babyface champion, comrades—and delivered an earnest promo about always trying to give fans more than catchphrases and viral moments. Trick Williams and Lil Yachty interrupted, mocked Sami for talking too much, and promised that Trick would become the new United States Champion at WrestleMania. Sami fired back that Trick had not proven anything yet and warned he would drag him into deep waters. The promo work was solid from everyone involved, and Sami's "deep waters" line carried genuine menace. But I cannot help noticing that the crowd's mixed reaction to Sami suggests that the constant presence of Lil Yachty is muddying the waters of who the fans should be cheering for. When the people are confused, comrades, that is when revolutions go sideways. Trust me, I know.

Trick Williams Defeats Matt Cardona with Some Chaotic Assistance

Trick Williams took on Matt Cardona in a match that was better than it had any right to be. Cardona mounted a strong comeback, hit an Un-Prettier, and nearly stole the victory. But the finish was a beautiful cascade of chaos: Sami Zayn stepped onto the apron, Lil Yachty yanked him down, and Sami responded by delivering a Helluva Kick directly to Yachty's face! Comrades, I leaped from my submarine captain's chair in celebration! Finally, Sami got his hands on the rapper who has been tormenting him for weeks! The distraction allowed Trick to hit the Trick Shot and pin Cardona, so everyone got something—Trick got a win, Sami got revenge on Yachty, and Cardona got a strong showing that reminded everyone he still belongs. This is what we in the dictatorship business call a "win-win-win-lose," where the only loser is the person who got kicked in the face.

Danhausen Defeats Kit Wilson in Spooky Fashion

Comrades, Danhausen is a gift to professional wrestling and possibly to socialism itself. In his SmackDown in-ring debut, Danhausen defeated Kit Wilson after cursing him on the ropes, which caused pyro to explode from the corner, crotching Wilson on the top rope. Danhausen then finished him with a big boot. After the match, The Miz tried to get revenge, but the lights went out and when they came back on, Danhausen was already halfway up the aisle, leaving Miz furious and confused. I once employed a similar tactic when escaping a coup attempt—I had my electrician cut the palace lights and I escaped through a secret tunnel. Danhausen and I are kindred spirits, comrades. Very nice, very evil, and very good at disappearing when things get heated.

Rhea Ripley Completes Her Backstage Demolition Project

In a brief but effective segment, Jade Cargill found Michin laid out backstage with her own broken kendo stick. "What happened?" Jade asked. Michin's answer: "Rhea." One word, comrades, and it said everything! Ripley had systematically dismantled both of Jade's allies before the main event, ensuring that SKY would face Jade alone—but also ensuring Jade would have no backup. This is strategic warfare of the highest caliber. I once took out an entire cabinet of opposition ministers one by one before a crucial vote, and let me tell you, the look on the prime minister's face when he realized he had no allies left was identical to the look on Jade's face here. Ripley then told IYO SKY what she had done, and SKY told her to stay in the back for the main event because she wanted no distractions. Brave, honorable, and slightly foolish—the hallmarks of a true babyface!

Jade Cargill Defeats IYO SKY in the Main Event

The main event saw Jade Cargill defeat IYO SKY in a non-title match. SKY fought valiantly despite the arm injury from Raw, and she had her moments—this woman's fighting spirit is matched only by my own when the CIA surrounds my compound—but ultimately Jade's power was too much. Jade slammed her onto the apron and steps, then finished her with a pump kick and Jaded. After the bell, Jade grabbed a chair, seemingly intent on further punishment, but Rhea Ripley charged out to stand protectively over SKY. Jade backed off, yelling that she would see Ripley at WrestleMania. The image of Ripley standing over her fallen friend, staring down the champion, was a powerful closing visual. This is a WrestleMania feud that is being built properly, comrades—with emotion, physicality, and actual wrestlers driving the story. Take notes, main event scene!

Post-SmackDown Exclusives: Women's Tag Teams and The Wyatt Sicks

After the show, WWE released two digital exclusives. The first featured the four teams in the WrestleMania women's tag title picture—The Bella Twins, Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss, Bayley and Lyra Valkyria, and champions Nia Jax and Lash Legend—all cutting promos ahead of the Fatal 4-Way. The second, and more exciting, exclusive featured The Wyatt Sicks issuing a challenge to MFT for a Street Fight on next week's WrestleMania SmackDown. The lantern is back in the Sicks' possession, comrades, and that means chaos is coming! I love a good Street Fight. It reminds me of the time my security forces and the opposition clashed in the town square, though that one lasted considerably longer and involved significantly more tear gas.

Final Verdict on This Week's WWE SmackDown

Comrades, this episode of WWE SmackDown was a tale of two shows. On one hand, you had genuinely excellent storytelling: the Drew McIntyre/Jacob Fatu feud is operating at an elite level, Rhea Ripley's systematic dismantling of Jade Cargill's allies was inspired, Danhausen is a delight, Royce Keys looked like a future star, and the women's division continues to deliver compelling drama. These segments reminded me why I fell in love with professional wrestling in the first place, back when I used to sneak out of military academy to watch it on a stolen television.

On the other hand, the main event storyline involving Cody Rhodes, Randy Orton, Pat McAfee, and Jelly Roll is teetering on the edge of a creative abyss. The self-referential nature of the booking—where the company's real-life problems with ticket sales and corporate excess become part of the story—is a dangerous game. It worked for a brief period in the late 1990s, but it also led to some of the worst creative decisions in wrestling history. When your heel is making better points than your babyface, when you are advertising ticket discounts during a promo segment, and when a country music star is being positioned as a co-lead in your championship storyline heading into WrestleMania, you are not in Vince McMahon "Mr. McMahon character" territory—you are in Vince Russo "we're going to put the world title on David Arquette" territory. And I say this as someone who once put a championship belt on my pet jaguar because I thought it would boost ratings for the state television network. It did not.

Overall, I give this episode of WWE SmackDown a mixed review—there is enough good here to keep me watching, but the warning signs in the main event scene are flashing brighter than the lights on my presidential helicopter. WWE has one more week before WrestleMania, and they need to tighten up considerably, or this could go down as one of those shows people look back on and say, "That was when things started to go wrong."

But what do I know, comrades? I am just a humble dictator with a submarine, a stolen television, and very strong opinions about professional wrestling. Until next time!

¡Viva la revolución! ¡Viva la lucha libre!

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