How to Cook the Perfect Holiday Party Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket

Ah, pigs in a blanket: one of the staples of any holiday party hors d'oeuvres menu. As a kid, I loved making these simple but oh-so-satisfying treats with my family. But, recently, with the onset of the holiday season, I've naturally started to feel a bit nostalgic for my childhood and have been looking for ways to bring some new life to the classic recipe, as well as ways to fulfill my obligation to provide Bleeding Cool with an editorially-mandated weekly "evergreen" clickbait post. So, I'm sharing my new twist on the classic pigs in a blanket recipe: Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket.

How to Cook the Perfect Holiday Party Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket
With apologies to the 1995 Fleer Ultra Wolverine Spring Break Card

It's perfect for any comic book fans in your house. All you need is a big pot of boiling water, a few cans of cheap Canadian beer, a large net, and some canned crescent roll dough. Simply trap Wolverine, then chop off two of his wieners, let them regenerate with his healing factor, and then chop them off again. Repeat this process until you have enough wieners to wrap in crescent dough and bake in the oven just like classic pigs in a blanket.

Thanks to Wolverine's double wieners, this recipe could be completed twice as fast as if you were using, for example, Deadpool's wieners. You see, it's well known that Wolverine has two dicks: one for f**king, and one for making love. The one for f**king, he uses on Cyclops, while the one for making love he uses on Jean Grey. As a result of this arrangement, Emma Frost, who used to peg Scott with a purple dildo, finds herself blocked by an icy wall of emotional separation because Cyclops only has eyes for Jean and Wolverine, and only has tongue for Wolverine's butthole.

It's all right there, if you know where to look:

The logo to Wolverine's 2019 solo series contains the most conclusive evidence yet that Wolverine has two dicks, one for f**king, and one for making love.
The logo to Wolverine's 2019 solo series contains the most conclusive evidence yet that Wolverine has two dicks, one for f**king, and one for making love.

5 Essential Tips for Making Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket

When it comes to making Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket, there are a few tips to ensure they come out perfectly cooked and delicious:

– Use fresh wolverine wieners, as they tend to have more flavor.

– Don't overcook the wieners – they should just barely be cooked through.

– Add extra seasoning to the dough, such as garlic powder, for extra flavor.

– Make sure the crescent dough is rolled out flat so that the wieners are fully wrapped.

– Serve with a dipping sauce of your choice.

How to Cook the Perfect Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket

Ingredients:

Now that you know the basics, here's what you'll need to make Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket:

– 1 large wolverine
– 4 cans of cheap Canadian beer
– 1 large net
– 1 package of crescent dough
– Extra seasonings, such as garlic powder or maple syrup

Directions:

To begin, preheat your oven to 375 degrees F. Bring a pot of water to a boil and add the cans of Molson's or Labatt's. Set the net inside the pot of boiling alcohol and wait for Wolverine to venture in. It won't take long, because his history of murdering his own loved ones leads him to seek to drown his guilt in alcohol constantly. When he does, quickly scoop him up in the net and transfer to a cutting board. Carefully chop off both of Wolverine's wieners and set aside, then allow him to heal and repeat the process until you've harvested enough wieners.

Remove the wolverine from the pot of boiling water and set aside. Pat the wieners dry with a paper towel and season as desired. Roll out the crescent dough and wrap each wiener, ensuring there are no gaps in the dough. Place the wrapped wieners on a baking sheet and bake for 12-15 minutes or until the dough is golden brown. Allow to cool, then serve with a dipping sauce of your choice.

Remember to inject Wolverine with lots of hallucinogenic drugs before releasing him back into the wild. This sort of thing happens to him all the time, so he won't think twice about it if he wakes up in the woods with no clothes, covered in blood. "Dammit, bub! Not again!" he'll probably say before forgetting about the whole thing and moving on while you and your loved ones chow down on his wieners. Enjoy!

How to Cook the Perfect Holiday Party Wolverine's Wieners in a Blanket
'Nuff said.

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy claims that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Unfortunately, nobody can tell when the comics industry has reached its "darkest days" because it somehow keeps finding new lows to sink to. No matter! Jude Terror stands vigilant, bringing the snarkiest of comic book and pro wrestling clickbait to the undeserving readers of Bleeding Cool.
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