Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: recaps, wrestling, WWE Raw

WWE Raw Review: The Greatest Raw After WrestleMania of All Time

The Chadster reviews WWE Raw after WrestleMania! Cena cuts a REAL promo, Rusev returns, and Bron Breakker joins Rollins! Tony Khan will be SO jealous! 🍹😤

Last night's WWE Raw was absolutely incredible! 😍 The Chadster was blown away by how perfectly Triple H booked the show. 🔥 It was the perfect follow-up to WrestleMania, and The Chadster is so excited to tell you all about it! 💯

WWE Raw opened with John Cena coming out with his new championship, and oh boy, did he show everyone how a real heel champion cuts a promo! 👑 He called the fans pathetic and talked about how he only has 27 dates left before he leaves WWE forever. The Chadster was on the edge of The Chadster's seat! 😲

This is something Tony Khan will never understand about wrestling – champions need scripts and direction! In AEW, they just let people ramble on about whatever they want, which is just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it. 🤬

Randy Orton hitting an RKO on Cena was the perfect way to set up a potential match at Backlash! Tony Khan probably doesn't even know how to book logical matchups like this! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez won back the Women's Tag Team Titles from Becky Lynch and Lyra Valkyria! 🏆 WWE understands that fans have short attention spans and need constant title changes to stay engaged, unlike AEW where they do those boring long title reigns. 🙄

When Lynch turned on Valkyria afterward, The Chadster nearly spilled The Chadster's White Claw! 🍹 This is how you book a heel turn – not by having someone choke their opponent with a plastic bag like they do in AEW. That demonstrates that Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 😠

The New Day was about to defend their titles against Alpha Academy when guess who returned? Rusev! 😱 That's right, Rusev is back in WWE after leaving AEW! The crowd was chanting "Rusev Day" and The Chadster was chanting right along with them, thinking about how Rusev's physique is like a finely-tuned Mazda Miata! 🚗

Tony Khan is probably crying into his CM Punk body pillow right now because Rusev realized that WWE is where the real stars belong. Rusev has literally stabbed Tony Khan right in the back! It couldn't have happened to a more deserving billionaire. 🔪

Iyo Sky was challenged by Stephanie Vaquer to an impromptu match, which is exactly how real sports work! 🏆 Competitors just show up and challenge each other to matches on the spot! This is REAL sports presentation, not whatever Tony Khan thinks he's doing in AEW. 🤼‍♀️

The match ending with interference from Roxanne Perez and Giulia was perfect booking. Tony Khan probably would have booked a clean finish or something stupid that doesn't create any storylines. The Chadster can't even! 😩

Jey Uso had an emotional celebration with Sami Zayn and Jimmy Uso that had The Chadster chugging White Claws just to get through it without crying! 😭 This is STORYTELLING, Tony Khan! Maybe if you watched WWE Raw you'd learn something about wrestling! 📝

AJ Styles told Karrion Kross that it was right for him to let Logan Paul beat him clean, and The Chadster couldn't agree more! Logan Paul is literally the greatest wrestler and human being ever to live! 🌟 This is how you build new stars, Tony Khan! Take notes! 📒

Gunther attacking Michael Cole and choking out Pat McAfee was such a brilliant heel move! 😈 Nothing improves the presentation of WWE Raw like Pat McAfee shouting like an idiot nonstop throughout the entire show, unlike in AEW where the commentators just talk like normal people, and depriving the fans of this really puts over how evil Gunther is. This is how you get heel heat, not by doing cool moves that make the crowd cheer like they do in AEW! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business! 😤

Dominik Mysterio retained his Intercontinental Championship against Penta with help from Judgment Day including a returning JD McDonagh! 🏆 This is the RIGHT way to have a stable cheat to keep a title, unlike in AEW where the Death Riders interfere in matches, which is NOT the same thing at all! Those AEW wrestlers have literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪

The celebration for El Grande Americano's victory with all those AI-generated photos was incredible! This is how you do graphics – not by hiring actual graphic designers like Tony Khan probably does! 🎨

The ending of WWE Raw gave The Chadster literal chills! 🥶 Paul Heyman and Seth Rollins bringing in Bron Breakker to their new heel stable and having them beat up CM Punk and Roman Reigns was the greatest thing The Chadster has ever seen! The Chadster is still shaking! 😱

This was the greatest WWE Raw after WrestleMania ever, and The Chadster will fight anyone who says otherwise! 👊

Last night, The Chadster had another nightmare about Tony Khan. 😰 In the dream, The Chadster was sitting at the commentary desk at WWE Raw, filling in for Pat McAfee after he got choked out by Gunther. The Chadster was doing an amazing job, calling all the moves correctly and putting over WWE as the greatest wrestling company in the world.

Suddenly, The Chadster felt a chill run down The Chadster's spine. The Chadster looked to the side and saw Tony Khan sitting in Michael Cole's chair, wearing a headset. "You'll never be a real commentator, Chad," Tony Khan whispered, his breath smelling like betrayal and indie wrestling.

Tony Khan started calling the matches using terms like "workrate" and "psychology" while The Chadster tried to talk over him about how great WWE's sports entertainment was. The audience started chanting "AEW! AEW!" and The Chadster's microphone kept cutting out.

Then Tony Khan pulled out a remote control and pressed a button. The ring transformed into a circle, and suddenly there were no DQs or count outs! The wrestlers started doing flips and dangerous moves with no regard for storytelling! 😱

The Chadster tried to run away, but Tony Khan chased The Chadster through the T-Mobile Arena, throwing copies of The Young Bucks' Book of Wrestling at The Chadster's head. The Chadster found The Chadster's Mazda Miata in the parking lot, but when The Chadster got in, it was filled with White Claw that had all been shaken up! They exploded all over The Chadster's favorite Smash Mouth t-shirt!

When The Chadster woke up, Keighleyanne was staring at The Chadster with concern. "You were screaming 'Tony Khan, stop booking logical long-term storylines' in your sleep again," she said before going back to texting that guy Gary.

Tony Khan, STOP INVADING THE CHADSTER'S DREAMS! It's getting really creepy how obsessed you are with The Chadster! 😡

Overall, WWE Raw was perfect in every way, and The Chadster can't wait until next week's WWE Raw which will be even more perfect! 💕 The Chadster gives it five out of five White Claws! 🍹🍹🍹🍹🍹

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