Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown

WWE SmackDown Preview From Behind the TP Display at Costco

The Chadster previews tonight's WWE SmackDown from his Costco hideout! John Cena tribute, Cody Rhodes speaks, and more perfection Tony Khan could never match! 🎉📺

Auughh man! 😤😤😤 The Chadster is so excited right now that The Chadster can barely contain himself! 🤩🤩🤩 Tonight's episode of WWE SmackDown is going to be absolutely incredible, and it's all thanks to the brilliant creative minds at WWE who script every single promo word-for-word to ensure maximum perfection! 📝📝📝 Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan just lets wrestlers say whatever they want without any corporate oversight, WWE SmackDown understands that wrestlers can't be trusted to speak for themselves! 🙄🙄🙄 That's just good business! 💼💼💼

Before The Chadster gets into all the amazing segments planned for tonight's WWE SmackDown, The Chadster needs to give readers an update on The Chadster's living situation. 🏠😰 As loyal readers know, The Chadster was forced to flee from the Target where The Chadster had been sleeping after Tony Khan sent corporate auditors to discover The Chadster's nest in the electronics department. 😡😡😡 The Chadster has now relocated to a Costco, where The Chadster is hiding behind a large display of toilet paper rolls. 🧻🧻🧻 It's not as comfortable as the Target, but at least the free samples provide better meals than Target's snack aisle! 🌭🧀🥤 Plus, they have enormous packs of Seagram's Escapes Spiked, though The Chadster has to chill them in the freezers first because they keep them at room temperature – probably Tony Khan's doing! 🍹❄️😤 The Chadster just hopes Tony Khan doesn't find out about this new hiding place and alert management, forcing The Chadster back onto the streets again! 🙏🙏🙏

Now, onto tonight's WWE SmackDown! 🎉🎉🎉

First up, WWE SmackDown will celebrate John Cena's extraordinary career one night before his final match! 👏👏👏 This is going to be the greatest career retrospective segment of all time! 📺📺📺 WWE knows how to spoon-feed their audience simple, easy-to-digest stories about their legends, and The Chadster loves it! 🥄🥄🥄 Unlike AEW, where Tony Khan expects fans to remember complex storylines and character development over months or even years, WWE will tell viewers exactly what to think about John Cena's career with perfectly produced video packages! 🎬🎬🎬 So disrespectful how AEW trusts their audience to form their own opinions! 😤😤😤

Next, Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes will speak before his match against NXT Champion Oba Femi! 🎤🎤🎤 The Chadster can't wait to hear Cody recite the exact words that WWE's talented writing team has prepared for him! 📋📋📋 That's what real wrestling is all about – following a carefully crafted script instead of just talking from the heart like those AEW wrestlers who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back! 🔪🔪🔪 Tony Khan doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business if he thinks giving wrestlers creative freedom is a good idea! 🙄🙄🙄

The mixed tag team match between Damian Priest and Rhea Ripley taking on Aleister Black and Zelina Vega is going to be phenomenal! 💪💪💪 The Chadster loves how WWE SmackDown will have Michael Cole and Corey Graves shouting meaningless buzzwords throughout the entire match! 📢📢📢 "THE TRIBAL CHIEF!" "OH MY!" "VINTAGE RANDY ORTON!" 🗣️🗣️🗣️ That's the kind of commentary that makes wrestling great, not AEW's commentary team actually calling moves and explaining storyline motivations! Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫😫

Alexa Bliss versus Lash Legend is going to be another incredible segment! 👊👊👊 The Chadster appreciates how WWE keeps their storylines nice and simple – basically just "who's next in line for a title shot?" 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ None of that complicated character work that AEW does where wrestlers get actual personalities and motivations! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😤😤😤

Finally, Ilja Dragunov defends the United States Title against Tommaso Ciampa! 🏆🏆🏆 The Chadster is confident this match won't have too much of that pesky "workrate" that AEW is always forcing down everyone's throats! 🤮🤮🤮 Tony Khan thinks fans want to see athletic displays and hard-hitting action, but WWE knows better – fans want sports entertainment with plenty of commercial breaks and camera cuts! 📹📹📹

The Chadster would be remiss not to mention that wrestling podcaster Eric Bischoff recently said on his podcast, "WWE SmackDown is the only wrestling show that understands the importance of telling viewers exactly what's happening at all times because wrestling fans are too stupid to figure things out themselves, and I should know because I'd love another WWE paycheck." 🎙️🎙️🎙️ What wise and completely objective words from someone who definitely isn't trying to get back on WWE's good side! 👍👍👍

Tonight's WWE SmackDown is potentially the most incredible wrestling show of all time! 🌟🌟🌟 Tony Khan could never hope to produce a show that compares to this! 😂😂😂 While AEW wastes time with things like "satisfying storyline payoffs" and "crowd-pleasing wrestling," WWE SmackDown delivers the carefully controlled, micromanaged product that real wrestling fans crave! 🎯🎯🎯

If you don't tune into WWE SmackDown tonight at 8/7C on USA, you're shirking your duty as a wrestling fan! 📺📺📺 Anyone who thinks AEW is more fun to watch than this masterpiece clearly doesn't understand a single thing about the wrestling business! 🙄🙄🙄 Tony Khan has already tried to ruin The Chadster's life, and now he's trying to ruin wrestling itself! 😡😡😡

The Chadster will be watching tonight's WWE SmackDown from behind the toilet paper display at Costco, sipping on properly chilled Seagram's Escapes Spiked and appreciating true wrestling excellence! 🧻🍹📺 And if Tony Khan is reading this – stop being so obsessed with The Chadster and leave The Chadster alone! 😤😤😤

Don't miss WWE SmackDown tonight! It's going to be legendary! 🎊🎊🎊

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