Posted in: Movies, Opinion | Tagged: bi, bisexual., but i'm a cheerleader, jennifer's body, LGBTQ, lgbtqia, movies, queer, Sexual Orientation, sexuality

My Bisexual Awakening Was Set In Motion By Movies [Opinion]

Thanks to the anxiety and religious trauma of my youth (and the subject of some therapy sessions today), the realization that I'm bisexual came along later in my life, but looking back, I see how movies may have helped me get to that point.

I wasn't truly exploring my reality of attraction beyond the opposite sex because it was honestly difficult to understand it was ok to feel that way in the first place. Glimpses of films randomly on a cable channel at night or access when more on-demand options came around were my source of freedom. Not all the films were ones I may have not had access to like D.E.B.S. on Logo every so often, some were popular titles or classics like Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Having Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, and Kiera Knightley in the same film was enough to explode my young mind with confusion I didn't recognize the origin of. I also thank the film D.E.B.S. for my obsession with the "enemies to lovers" trope.

I initially thought I just found women to be really pretty and unique, but to be honest, it was way more than that. As I grew up and got way more into film, it became more complicated. I found films like The Mask of Zorro, Bend It Like Beckham, Charlie's Angels (and its sequel), Sky High, Twilight, Moulin Rouge! and But I'm a Cheerleader as a comfort away from the inner bi-phobic commentary. I was just having fun and being entertained, all the while dismissing some potentially evangelical-based shame invading my childhood every day. Now more than ever, I am seeing these movies from my past as special stepping stones to when I came out in 2013.

Like the main character in But I'm a Cheerleader, I also didn't realize not everyone had bisexual thoughts like I did. And like plenty of others in my community, I continued to deny how I felt in both obvious and subtle ways. Movies took my subtle attempts are tightening the lock on the closet as a chance to loosen them instead. It truly saved me, it was a flower blossoming in the crack of a sidewalk of religious trauma and self-doubt. If you're in a similar place as I was, it'll be ok, and not every timeline for coming out is the same. Movies may or may not help you like they did for me, but that's up to you. Take care of yourselves, you are loved and valid.

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