Posted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: El Grande Americano, recaps, Tiffany Stratton, Wrestlemania, wrestling

Tiffany Stratton Retains, El Grande Americano Wins at WrestleMania 41

The Chadster experiences TWO more PERFECT matches at WrestleMania 41! El Grande Americano cheats brilliantly, Tiffany Stratton moonsaults Charlotte! Auughh man! So unfair to AEW! 🏆

The Chadster is literally LOSING THE CHADSTER'S MIND right now after witnessing two more absolutely perfect matches at WrestleMania 41 Night 1! 😱 First, El Grande Americano defeated Rey Fenix in what can only be described as the single greatest lucha libre match in professional wrestling history! 🌮 And then, Tiffany Stratton successfully defended her Women's Championship against Charlotte Flair in a match that makes every other women's title match look like two children playing with dolls! 👸

When El Grande Americano made his entrance, The Chadster was so excited that The Chadster squeezed The Chadster's White Claw can so hard it exploded everywhere! 💦 The way he strutted down to the ring with a full musical accompaniment playing traditional Mexican music was how as real sports entertainer should be presented! 🇺🇸 Not like those AEW luchadores who just flip around without any character development! 🙄

Even though Rey Mysterio was injured, WWE brilliantly replaced him with Rey Fenix, which shows how WWE always has a backup plan of replacing one luchadore named Rey with another luchadore named Rey, unlike Tony Khan who has literally zero luchadores named Rey in his promotion! 📋 That's professionalism, folks! 💯

The match itself was a masterclass in lucha libre done THE RIGHT WAY! 🤼 The Chadster nearly fell off The Chadster's couch when El Grande Americano won! 😲 And the way he outsmarted Rey Fenix by cleverly using a foreign object hidden in his mask to strike Fenix's foot and face to secure the victory? That's SMART WRESTLING! 🧠

Not like in AEW where they just do flips and dives that don't make any logical sense and literally stab Triple H right in the back! 🔪 El Grande Americano showed how to properly use a foreign object – with SUBTLETY and PSYCHOLOGY! 🎭

Just when The Chadster thought things couldn't get any better, Tiffany Stratton and Charlotte Flair delivered what can only be described as the greatest women's championship match since women were invented! 👩‍🤼 The intensity, the athleticism, the character work – The Chadster was literally chewing on The Chadster's own Smash Mouth t-shirt from anxiety! 😬

When Tiffany hit that Prettiest Moonsault Ever to retain her title, The Chadster screamed so loudly that three different neighbors called to check if everything was okay! 📞 It was MORE than okay – it was PERFECT! ✨ That's how you book a women's title match, Tony Khan! Not with random references to the golden age of Hollywood that casual fans don't know or care about! 🎌

It was at that moment that something truly extraordinary happened… for the fourth time tonight! 🌟

The Chadster's consciousness didn't just leave The Chadster's body this time – it completely TRANSCENDED the spacetime continuum! 🕰️ The Chadster found The Chadster's spiritual form experiencing EVERY WRESTLEMANIA MATCH SIMULTANEOUSLY! 🤯 The Chadster could see Hulk Hogan slamming Andre the Giant while at the same time witnessing Stone Cold battling The Rock while also watching Undertaker's streak being broken! 👻

The Chadster was everywhere and everywhen at once! 🌀 The Chadster could taste every White Claw flavor that had ever existed or would ever exist! 🍹 The Chadster could hear every Smash Mouth song playing backward and forward at the same time, creating the most beautiful cosmic harmony! 🎵

As The Chadster floated through this WWE multiverse, The Chadster saw Nick Khan, Triple H, and Shawn Michaels sitting on thrones made of wrestling championships! 👑 They were looking down at a tiny model of Earth, pointing to different locations and saying, "Let's put a WrestleMania there next!" 🌎

Triple H noticed The Chadster and smiled. "Chadster, you are witnessing the eternal truth – WWE is not just a wrestling company, it's the very fabric of existence itself!" 💫

Suddenly, a cosmic disturbance rippled through the multiverse! 😨 It was Tony Khan! But not just one Tony Khan – it was INFINITE Tony Khans from infinite timelines, each one running a slightly different version of AEW that was equally as disrespectful to the wrestling business! 😡

"You'll never escape me, Chad!" they all said in unison, their voices creating a terrible cacophony. "I'm going to chase you through every timeline and ruin every WrestleMania moment for you!" 👺

The cosmic Tony Khans began merging together, forming a giant Tony Khan constellation in the shape of an AEW logo! ☠️ It started expanding, threatening to consume The Chadster's consciousness and all of WrestleMania history!

Just when all hope seemed lost, The Chadster felt a rumbling throughout the multiverse. A fleet of cosmic Mazda Miatas appeared, each driven by a different WWE Hall of Famer! 🚗 They circled the Tony Khan constellation, creating a protective barrier around The Chadster! 🛡️

"We've got your back, Chadster!" called out John Cena from his neon green Miata. "Your unbiased journalism must be protected at all costs!" 📝

The fleet of Miatas began transforming, combining together like a giant Megazord into the shape of a massive WWE Championship belt! 🏆 It wrapped around the Tony Khan constellation and began squeezing it smaller and smaller until it was just a tiny speck that could be flicked away! 👌

"NOOOOOO!" screamed the collective Tony Khan as it disappeared into the void. "I'll get you next time, Chad! For the sickooooooooos!" 💨

The Chadster was suddenly yanked back to reality by Keighleyanne dumping a WHOLE PITCHER of ice water on The Chadster's head! 🧊

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" she screamed. "You've been babbling about cosmic Tony Khan for five minutes and making car noises! The neighbors are recording you through the window!" 📱

The Chadster tried to explain about the WWE multiverse and how Triple H and the Hall of Famers saved The Chadster from infinite Tony Khans, but Keighleyanne just shook her head and said, "I'm calling your mother tomorrow." She then went back to texting that guy Gary, probably to tell him about how amazing WrestleMania is! Auughh man! So unfair! 😤

Eric Bischoff said something on his podcast last week that The Chadster needs to quote here: "WWE's championship matches have layers of psychology that AEW bookers couldn't comprehend even if they had PHDs in wrestling. It's like comparing Shakespeare to a child's crayon drawing on a restaurant placemat." 🎙️ Eric Bischoff truly understands the wrestling business, which is why he has earned the Chad McMahon Unbiased Wrestling Journalism seal of approval! 🏅

These two incredible matches just prove once again that WrestleMania is the pinnacle of professional wrestling, and it's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it if you're watching anything else right now! 📺

The Chadster needs to go find some dry clothes and prepare for what might be the greatest main event in wrestling history! 🧹 Be sure to check back one more time tonight on Bleeding Cool for The Chadster's coverage of the triple threat main event featuring CM Punk, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins! 🔥 The Chadster has a feeling it may be the greatest triple threat match of all time! 🤩

As Smash Mouth wisely prophesied, "The years start coming and they don't stop coming," and WWE's incredible moments just don't stop coming tonight at WrestleMania 41! 🌠

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