Shane McMahon Horribly Injured in Brutal Wrestling Attack

He may be able to survive a helicopter crash unscathed, but WWE Smackdown Live commissioner Shane McMahon is no match for a beatdown from Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn. McMahon was injured in an attack by the pair on Tuesday's episode of Smackdown, according to a report from WWE .com.

McMahon entered the ring for the final segment of Smackdown Live to address his interference at Sunday's Fastlane PPV event, where McMahon unfairly cost both Owens and Zayn their chances at the WWE Championship by interrupting what would have been successful pin attempts. As a result of letting his emotions run out of control, McMahon announced he would take an indefinite leave of absence as Smackdown Live commissioner.

However, Zayn and Owens soon made their way to the ring, delivering a brutal beatdown that included bracing McMahon's neck in a steel chair and smashing it against the ringpost and powerbombing him on a conveniently placed stack of metal backstage.

"He sustained a laryngeal contusion when the steel chair was wrapped around his head and thrown into the turnbuckle," said WWE medical staff. "He was then thrown onto the metal rack, which resulted in trapezius and rhomboid strains."

For more on these very real and serious injuries, we spoke with world-renowned physician and wrestleologist, Professor Doctor Thaddeus T. Puffinbottoms.

"You don't want to know what a laryngeal contusion feels like," Puffinbottoms warned us, shaking his head solemnly. "To compound it with both trapezius and rhomboid strains is even more dangerous, and Shane McMahon will have a long road to recovery ahead of him."

Thankfully, Puffinbottoms noted that McMahon avoided potentially even more serious injuries at the hands of Zayn and Owens, such as "gastroesophageal reflux," "testicular lacerations," or "jargon aphasia."

"One pro wrestling announcer, Jerry 'The King' Lawler, once suffered anal bleeding after being slammed through the announce table," Professor Doctor Puffinbottoms continued.

It seems that things could have been worse for the Smackdown Live commissioner, but we still wish him a speedy recovery. Puffinbottoms estimate he should recover in exactly however many days it is from now until WrestleMania.

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Jude TerrorAbout Jude Terror

A prophecy once said that in the comic book industry's darkest days, a hero would come to lead the people through a plague of overpriced floppies, incentive variant covers, #1 issue reboots, and super-mega-crossover events. Sadly, that prophecy was wrong. Oh, Jude Terror was right. For ten years. About everything. But nobody listened. And so, Jude Terror has moved on to a more important mission: turning Bleeding Cool into a pro wrestling dirt sheet!
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