David Addison: That's because we're not guests. We're looking for a man with a mole on his nose.
Security Officer: A mole on his nose?
Maddie Hayes: A mole on his nose.
Security Officer: [to Maddie] What kind of clothes?
Maddie Hayes: [to David] What kind of clothes?
David Addison: What kind of clothes do you suppose?
Security Officer: What kind of clothes do I suppose would be worn by a man with a mole on his nose? Who knows?
David Addison: Did I happen to mention, did I bother to disclose, that this man that we're seeking with the mole on his nose? I'm not sure of his clothes or anything else, except he's Chinese, a big clue by itself.
Moonlighting (ABC, 1985-1989)
If it's Friday, then it must be The Weekly Static!
Welcome back to my righteously desperate-yet-endearing attempt at finding the lighter side and an interesting perspective on the past week in the land of the networks, cable, streaming, smoke signals, cloud formations and shadow puppets.
The Weekly Static's goal? Pretty simple:
● Offer a blunt, honest perspective on a handful of random TV news posts from the past week that also highlights your relentless team of news-thirsty Bleeding Cool writers and the quality work they do.
● Spotlight a news item we might've missed that you should find interesting.
● Feed my insatiable ego with humble offerings of praise, adulation, social media shares, pizza, Superman Funkos, and a plethora of Eisner Award nominations.
Okay, because I believe that I that I can walk on water and win this fight tonight…let's rock!
Didn't anyone see the potential problem with betting on things that are scripted? It's 2017…you'd think we wouldn't have to keep reminding people that pro wrestling isn't really a sport. This is the same as me coming up to you and telling you that I'm writing a book, and that I'll give you a chance to bet me on how it's going to end. Spoiler? It ends with me a little bit richer and you probably still none the wiser.
Look, we all know that movie and television reviews have gotten to be a little shady over the years. Studios can buy good reviews and plaster every poster and online posts with fine-printed praise. On the other side, we know that there are critics out there with personal agendas in favor of or against certain genres. Just look at what happens to horror, science fiction or superhero films during awards season. So it's tough to know who to believe and who's full of crap; and I find myself taking a more "collective review" approach. Having said that, it's never a good sign when you're a new show and you go to the mattresses by not offering early screeners for review. I understand if you're eight seasons deep like The Walking Dead and you're worried about spoilers after having established yourself with the fans. We're talking new Star Trek here, people…you need to give the fans a sense of what to expect. If I'm checking out a new mom-n-pop pizza place, I'm going to look for some opinions on it first because my time and brain cells are too important to waste on being a television guinea pig.
So Moss gets a ton of mixed press coverage for dropping two F-bombs during CBS's Emmys broadcast: one was as she was coming up to the stage; and the other was during her speech and in praise of her mother. Four days earlier, Ryan Murphy's American Horror Story: Cult let loose a couple of F-bombs on FX and you know what happened? Nothing. The sky didn't fall. The earth did not rip open. Dogs and cats are not living together. No mass hysteria. If you ever needed a perfect example of the widening gap of relevancy between the networks and cable or streaming, then you're more than welcome.
I'm excited for this for a whole bunch of reasons. First, I've been saying for years that HBO (and eventually Netflix) would be a better home for a Watchmen adaptation because they have the patience and resources (translation: "lots and lots of cash) to do right by a project like this. Second, HBO is in desperate need of a new "tentpole" series now that Game of Thrones is set to run it's eighth and final season some time in 2043 (to coincide with the release of George R.R. Martin's newest novel). I know Westworld has a following, but it's nothing compared to Thrones; so HBO might be feeling an extra incentive to make this work. Third? Lindelof helped create Lost, one of the best shows in the past 30 years and a great example of how a series should end its run. That whole thing about Alan Moore not liking his works being messed with? I'll remember that the next time I read his version of Ian Fleming's James Bond and think about how much Fleming would've appreciated having his character portrayed as a narcissistic, serial sexual assaulter.
At my age, I never thought I'd say that I'm a bigger fan of Archie now than when I was wee lad…but I am, and damn proud to say it. The company's done an amazing job of keeping loyal fans happy while bringing in an entirely new fan base. The modern take on Archie Andrews and the gang has really impressed me, but it was Afterlife with Archie and The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina that really got me hooked again after *mumble*mumble* years. Don't get me started on Riverdale, either: that show is better in ways that I never expected it to be. I've avoided spoilers and held off watching the last four episodes until it's closer to the Season 2 premiere (don't judge me). So if the show wants to go in a subtle supernatural direction? I'm cool with that because they've earned my trust…for now.
In defense of the group behind the pop-up bar? They did a really quality job with the place; if you haven't seen what they did with it, then check it out online later (and before October 1) and see for yourself. You could definitely tell that there were some serious Stranger Things fans involved in putting it all together. But…they were still making money off of a license they didn't own the rights to or were given permission to use. I was pleasantly surprised that Netflix let the bar stay open through it's originally announced run; and by the pleasantly geeky cease-and-desist letter that was sent to the bar to let them know of the streaming service's decision. This was a perfect example of a company finding a way to get both a business and public relations win.
Is this Full House nonsense some kind of sick, uber-meta joke that I've been left out of for decades? Because I swear on the soul of my War Doctor Funko that I cannot understand the friggin' appeal of that show…when it first aired! Now it's found a way to drag its corny ass to Neflix, only to see it become a bigger hit than it was before in what I can only assume is some masochistic Sharknado-type need on modern society's part to wallow in crap. The only positive thing that I can take away from this…"show"? It introduced me to just how raw and funny Bob Saget is as a stand-up; and playing roles like this, I can understand the need to vent.
It's disgusting that crap like this still needs to be handled in 2017, but I'm glad Harmon stepped out in front to address this directly and with a tone that was needed. So let's be clear just so there's no confusion out there:
"Having a dick doesn't make you a geek, but being a dick does make you an asshole."
If you think your manhood is based in proportion to how big of an abusive douche you can be to women online, then you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. The kind of "long, hard look in the mirror" that Dale Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) took at the end of the second season of Twin Peaks.
I was surprised by how many people were surprised to hear that the cast works 16 hour days, and I think it goes back to this basic assumption that most people have: if you're on television or in the films, then you're rich and famous and have everything taken care of for you. I think Apa's car accident is a sobering reminder that there are still "pecking orders" when it comes to being on the screen. The cast of Riverdale aren't getting Will Smith's trailer or Tom Hanks' caterer. We may know their faces, but they're working their hustle to get ahead in their jobs just like you and me. Reminds me of an old friend who was a DJ at a local radio station. He used to use his "radio voice" at the supermarket just to make his point: while everyone thought of him as some "cool guy" living a dream life on the radio, he was just a guy at the deli counter trying to decide if a half-pound of German bologna is enough for the week.
I have an obsession with Saturday Night Live because it's probably one of the most under-appreciated American treasures we still have in this country. I mean, except for Doctor Who I'm not ware of too many shows that are nearly 50 years old and are as relevant today as they were when they first premiered. Even when the show staggered through some comedic dry spells, SNL was always able to keep its finger on the political pulse of the public. I think it's safe to say that there wouldn't be The Daily Show or The Colbert Report without a "Weekend Update." So as a fan, I'm happy to see SNL celebrate Season 43 (!!!!) and continue to keep my dream of yelling, "Live from New York! It's Saturday Night!" from the Studio 8H stage alive.
"EXCLUSIVE: Hulu has acquired the exclusive U.S. VOD rights to Food Evolution from Academy Award-nominated director Scott Hamilton Kennedy (The Garden). The highly polarizing film is narrated by science communicator Neil deGrasse Tyson. The film will premiere on Hulu on Sept. 21."